Damaged Goods?

Are you the type of person that looks at yourself in the mirror before jumping into the shower or do you avoid the naked glance all together? I always look. I’m curious. It’s so rare that I see myself without any clothes on, I want to know what’s going on under the layers. I have to say I’m very pleased with how my body bounced back after being pregnant. My stomach is more or less flat and I don’t have any stretch marks. My skin is stretched, in the sense that when I fold my body in half it sort of gathers in an unflattering way, but really, how often am I going to be posing like that for anyone?! I’ve already told you about my boobs, they’re smaller, but I can deal with that. My legs have always been the bane of my existence, but I’m even starting to finally embrace them. I would say the only thing I’m unhappy with is my c-section scar. I remember looking at it the day after my surgery and my first thought was, “It’s so big!” It looked way bigger than my girlfriend Emily’s. I was so alarmed that I vowed not to look at it again for at least a few days. It looked better once they took the staples out on day three, but I remember still being upset with my doctor. I actually uttered the words, “I told her to make a small incision…” to myself. Now I’m sure some of you are reading this thinking, “She’s so vain!” Well that’s fine, you can think that. Obviously the scar is worth the miracle that came out of it (my little Evan), that’s a given people, but that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m working on my body right now, I’m working out and I’m eating better than ever (my trainer has me doing this no carbs or sugars, including fruit, past lunch). I want to be healthy and happy, for me, for my son, for John and for bikini weather. I can feel my little love handles are fading away, my arms look stronger, but that scar, that scar and the scar tissue around it fail to disappear. If you touch the actual scar itself it’s very hard, and on either side of it I have these bumps of, either scar tissue, or fat, I don’t know. It looks gross if you ask me… It’s like a little bum. Ewwwwww. Remember that first scratch you got on your new car? Remember how it made you feel kinda sick? That’s the way I feel about my scar on bad days. I love antique furniture, and if one of my pieces gets a nick on it I don’t get upset because it just adds more character. That’s the way I look at my scar on good days. Although I wouldn’t really want anyone looking at me like an antique. I’m only 31 for goodness sakes!