Tuesday, June 29, 2010


I am dying to shop! I’ve been saying that when I get my old body back I am going to spend a sweet load of cash on myself and have a brand new wardrobe to show for it. What I found out yesterday is that I am not ready for that Pretty Woman shopping spree… not yet.

My mom generously offered to accompany Evan and me to the mall so I could look for a dress for an upcoming wedding. The first store I went into I started pulling items off the racks like a starved shopaholic. Before I knew it I had 12 items in my hands. Shorts, tops, skirts! Clearly I got off track very quickly as I only had one dress to try on. I hit the change room feeling excited, I was on a high. That feeling quickly faded. Even the skinny mirrors couldn’t save me. Everything felt tight and in some outfits you could even see the indent of my scar. Ewwww, how depressing! The dress I grabbed was a disaster, I thought it would be roomy, but it was skin tight. I did end up purchasing a few items, but I still have nothing to wear to the wedding. Apparently those jeans I’m fitting into gave me a false sense of the shape I’m in.

Summer is usually such a fun time for fashion and dressing up, however so far this summer I’ve more or less worn the same three outfits. I go for comfort and functionality over fashion… it’s not so fun, and now that Evan is spitting up (another new thing he started doing just in the last week), I really don’t want to wear my “good” clothes. I know these are small sacrifices, but I’m still keeping a tally. When Evan wants money for the latest whatever, I’ll remind him of the summer his mother had to forgo her designer jeans and colourful hand wash only tops in favour of black, machine washable, stretchy skirts and tanks.

Monday, June 28, 2010

My Ever Changing Evan

Last week Evan began a new phase; he was sleeping well through the day, had great play times, but then when evening came he started to get fussy. He wouldn’t really cry, he would whine and he would do that until 11pm… midnight… 1am… depending on his energy (not caring how much energy I had). Once he went down for the night though he was good.

Now Evan is sleeping less through the day. He’ll have two naps, one in the late morning and another in the early evening. When he’s not napping we’re either playing (which is the word I use for me talking to him while he stares at me or the sky) or he’s fussing. Yes, my son has spent the last week and a half mastering the art of the whine. It sounds like a cry, but it’s not a cry because there are no tears and he can turn it off in a second. It’s just a little something he does now to keep us on our toes, literally. While Evan is fake crying we’ve got to keep him moving. We go from the football hold to cradling him to putting him in the Baby Bjorn, to putting him on the floor, to rolling him on his tummy, to getting back up with him, to taking him for a walk… he’s only content in any given position for minutes at a time so as I’m sure you can imagine it gets quite exhausting. It was thanks to this new whine turning into a full on crying fit that I finally broke down and tried a soother. I was going to try to not do a soother, but you know what, who cares?! No one asks the Prime Minister of Canada if he (or she) used a soother when they were 6 weeks old… And if they did ask and the Prime Minister said yes, would we have any less respect for them (political views aside)? No! More importantly I suppose, would we have any less respect for their mother? Hell no, she raised the leader of our country! Do you see what I’m saying here people? If a soother brings more peace to my day then I’m using it. Plus, Evan seems to dig it. Happy mom, happy baby… happy baby, happy mom.

Oh, and… (I can’t believe this wasn’t the first thing I wrote about) Evan slept for FIVE STRAIGHT HOURS on Friday night. It was amazing. Since then John and I have been trying to repeat exactly what we did that evening, with no luck. He’s back to 2-3 hour intervals. That’s okay, the five hours of straight sleep gave me an idea of what’s to come. Pretty crazy to think though that before Friday night I hadn’t slept for four, let alone 5 straight hours in over a month!

Evan’s physique is also changing daily. He’s getting so big! His legs are getting chunky and his cheeks, they just keep growing. He’s got little rolls in his neck now, which I find lint in from time to time, and his eyes are getting really blue. Oh, I love him so much. Looking at him yesterday I had a moment. He’s only 6 weeks old, and I was already pining over what he was like in the first week and the fact that he will never be that small again. I started questioning whether or not I was present enough in that first week… whether or not I took enough pictures… it was a good reminder to stop thinking about tomorrow because you can’t get today back.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

I'm Hurting...

Excuse me while I moan… I’m hurting all over. The biggest source of my discomfort right now is my neck and shoulders. It makes sense, but it’s not something I thought about while I was pregnant with Evan. I didn’t realize what a toll breastfeeding would take on my body. Since he was born Evan has kept a very healthy eating schedule. He eats every 2-4 hours, and the whole eating process can take up to one hour, so when you think about it, that is a lot of time I’ve spent over the last 4 weeks looking down. Not that I’m gawking at him the whole time, but obviously I can’t help but look at my little guy as he happily eats. There’s also an issue of posture. I try to keep a good posture while breastfeeding, but it’s hard to get him propped at just the right height and angle so I compensate for that by contorting my own body. As a result I’ve had a few major knots in my lower neck and shoulders. Luckily for me John is a RMT (Registered Massage Therapist). For those mom’s who aren’t as fortunate I highly recommend spending the dough and getting regular massage therapy during your pregnancy, but even more once baby is born! It is well worth the money, trust me.

Also on the subject of breastfeeding, my nipples are sore. They’re more so now since Evan’s been eating closer to every 2 hours, for the past two nights. I’m not sure if it’s normal for my nipples to hurt 4 weeks in. I should probably see a lactation consultant, I don’t know why I haven’t done that yet, apparently I like to hurt. Oh and can we talk about the pain when your latched baby decides to squeeze out a number two all while continuing to suck. OUCH! Evan poops almost every time he feeds and he squirms like a worm while he’s trying to get it out of him. While he’s squirming he’s ripping my nipple in every direction. Eventually I have to rip him off. What I’m left with is something John has called the “torpedo nipple”. If you’ve seen a nipple that has been pulled and pinched you’ll probably agree it’s the perfect name.

Here’s my last moan, all of a sudden my abdomen hurts as much as it did the week after my surgery. I don’t know what I did, but it’s incredibly tender. I’m even finding it hard getting out of bed again and standing from a seated position. What’s up with that?! They weren’t kidding when they said it would take 6 weeks to heal. Like most women, and certainly like most mothers, I don’t think I’ve been resting as much as I should be considering I underwent major surgery. I’ll try to put my feet up a little more over the next couple of weeks and see if that helps. (I know right now I won’t do this…)

Okay, that’s enough moaning and groaning for today. Evan is starting to stir, he must be hungry. Hit the trenches, here comes a torpedo!

Random pics for your viewing pleasure...

Evan with his "I [heart] Dad" muscle shirt on...

Tummy time...

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Big Day!

Yesterday was a very big day! It started with a delicious breakfast cooked by my lovely man. We had fried egg sandwiches on toasted croissants with cheese, tomato, lettuce and avocado… my favourite! I love croissants… how they melt in your mouth like pure butter. Mmmmmm! So that was my start, then I decided to take Evan on an outing to one of my favourite neighbourhoods; Westboro. For the occasion I thought I would take a stab at trying on a pre-pregnancy pair of jeans. I went to the very back of my closet, where I hid my “hot jeans” while I was pregnant and grabbed a pair that were roomy on me before I got pregnant. I held my breath and put them on and tada! They fit!!! Let me tell you I did a happy dance that would make Ellen proud! I ran down the stairs and paraded in front of John and stuck my butt out and asked him how good I looked. Naturally he told me I looked great, smart man. Wearing pants without an elastic band for the first time in about 6 months felt amazing! Now the jeans did rub up against the exit wound (aka my c-section scar) a bit which wasn’t incredibly comfortable, but the confidence I felt wearing the jeans was worth the slight discomfort.

Evan was already drunk on boob juice so I put him in the car seat and away we went. It was a beautiful sunny day and it felt so good to be out and about. We stopped at a couple of shops and picked up some essentials, I needed a couple more nursing bras, and I got Evan some wipes, a few cute little outfits for the summer, oh and sheets for his crib (which we’ll eventually assemble and put in the nursery). We cruised around for a bit and then I got hungry again so we stopped for lunch together. He was so great, he slept the entire time! He received many compliments about what a handsome baby he was from polite strangers so needless to say I was walking with my chest out. Literally I was, I caught myself in the reflection of a store window as I walked by and my chest was huge! God, I love myself with milk filled breasts! Ha ha ha! Evan was so good he even allowed me to peruse about a gallery. Almost two hours later I figured it was time to make our way back to the burbs. Evan woke up the minute I brought him into the house… good timing! What a perfect day!

I’m finally starting to feel like this new life is normal and that feels so good.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Cabin Fever

I think I have a bout of cabin fever. The hours easily become days and the days easily become weeks and before I know it 7 days have gone by and I’ve left the house maybe three times and none of those times have been on my own, meaning it’s either me and Evan or me and John and Evan.

Yesterday when John got home he told me to get out of the house. I topped up Evan with booby juice and made a B line for the front door. I felt like that lady from the Ikea commercial, you know the one where she yells “Start the car! Start the car!” I didn’t really do much, I went to Shoppers, then to the grocery store where I got some flowers for myself. Then I made my first trip to the LCBO without my baby bump! I picked up some beer for John, he didn’t ask me to, I think I just wanted to be amidst the liquor. Going there without my baby bump made me feel like my old self. Ha! Like I belonged once again in the LCBO. I know… ridiculous. (Check out this previous post entitled Beer Run.) By the time I got back to the house I was totally rejuvenated. The little outing made me realize how important it is to get me time. A shower is one thing, getting out of the house for an hour by myself is quite another. If felt great!

I think for me, having my independence threatened has caused the bulk of my sadness (that and sleep depravation). At these times of sadness I feel like Evan is attached to me (literally) and I feel trapped. I say that, but then on the flip side, if Evan has a nice long 3 hour nap I find myself anxiously waiting for him to wake up because I can’t wait to have him in my arms, to smell him and kiss him and see his bright eyes. I’m up, then I’m down… up, then down… hold on tight, motherhood is a wild ride!

Good news on the tear duct front, it seems to already be clearing up. Thank goodness. Also the Gentian Violet seems to be working at fighting the thrush and making John and I laugh. Evan has been nicknamed “purple mouth”. Gentian Violet is purple and it makes everything it touches purple too, including Evan’s mouth, his hands (if/when he gets them near his mouth), his clothes, my nipples (which are meant to also be purple as you have to treat your nipples the same time as your babies mouth so you don’t pass the thrush back and forth). Who cares though right? If it’s not purple dye its pee or poop. I’m immune.

Also, I have to say I just read through all the comments from my last two posts and you’re all so fantastic. Thank you for your words of encouragement and for the great advice. I’m so proud to be part of this wonderful sisterhood.

Here are some pictures, you’ll see it’s quite obvious that Evan is a good eater. Can you believe how he’s filled out?!

Sucking on dad's finger...

Sticking his tongue out at oma...

Hangin' out with dad. Sometimes this is the only way anyone gets sleep around here...

This peaceful moment brought to you by boob juice...

The nerve! I'm feeding him and he's giving me the finger!

Purple mouth...

Proud mom of purple mouth...

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Mom Stuff

Mom Stuff

It’s hard to believe I’ve only written twice since Evan was born. That’s twice in three weeks tomorrow. I guess I haven’t been great at managing my time. I’ve really just been rolling with the punches and letting Evan make all the calls, which is what feels right for now. Only problem with that is I really do miss writing and the interaction I have with you wonderful people who read this blog.

So here’s my update! Things are still going well! We have our rough times, but overall Evan is a wonderful baby and I’m getting the hang of this mom thing. He’s growing quickly and getting cuter by the hour (of course).

As far as my sleeping goes, well, last night was a really good night. The night before… not so much. Evan was fussy from 10pm to 2am. I cried once and nearly gave up and woke up John to help out. He would have happily come to my rescue, but he had to be up at 6am to work so I was trying really hard to do it on my own. Eventually I got him to sleep, but then he woke up every hour and half through the night. The next day he was up from 10am until 3pm. He eventually fell asleep on my chest and I couldn’t move him or he would wake up. I managed to let him sleep that way for a couple of hours. Most days are somewhat predictable, but that 20 hours came out of nowhere. It was TOUGH!
Thankfully by 8pm last night he straightened himself out and has been happy as a clam ever since.

Yes, I’ve had a few mini breakdowns, like last Friday when I thought Evan had an eye infection (in both eyes). I took him to the doctors and it turns out he has blocked tear ducts. There’s nothing you can do to treat it but massage the ducts and wipe his eyes as much as you need to. This makes me sad. It’s hard looking at him when he’s got constant gunk coming out of his eyes, my heart hurts for my little guy. And now he has thrush. Another common thing in babies says my doctor (who I went back to see today) and it’s easy enough to get rid of if you can find the remedy (Gentian Violet) at a pharmacy because they don’t all carry it. Yes, I’ve been to the doctor twice in the last 5 days. I feel kind of crazy admitting it, but this is all new to me and I don’t want to diagnose my son’s ailments, I’ll leave that to the professionals so that he gets treated properly.

So there you have it, my life right now in three paragraphs. G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S it may not be, but I’m still loving it!