Josie and The Baby

Better Late Than Never...

2011-06-10T20:03:00.002-04:00

I wrote this on Monday (June 6th), but didn’t get it posted … So here it is (4 days late)!

My Dirty Little Secret

Okay, here it goes. To get Evan to bed, whether it be at nighttime or for his nap, I give him a bottle and rock him to sleep. Oh, there it is! Do I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders? Not exactly, I’m too tense worrying about the backlash I’ll get from my confession. So ladies, give it to me. What do you think of this? I told myself the cut-off would be Evan’s 1st birthday, but he’s now 1 year and 18 days old and I’m still doing it. Unfortunately it seems to be causing some problems as of late. The “problems” we’re dealing with however could be attributed to a few different things. For example, he’s sick (again), and he might be getting another tooth, I’m thinking that may be why he’s putting up such a massive struggle when I try to put him down. That or he wants me to jump into the crib and sleep with him… That is also very possible.

So here’s one of my mom’s dirty little secrets (which she probably doesn’t think of as such)… I was a scared little kid so my mom had to lay with me in order for me to fall asleep, then she would sneak out at some point once I had drifted off. This went on for years! When she stopped doing that I started sleeping in the same bed as my younger brother because I was still scared. It’s like I just needed to know somebody was there. I couldn’t even have a sleep over until grade 8! I tried, but I always ended up calling home in tears so my parents would come and pick me up. I was also terrible with babysitters. Not that I was actually “bad”, I just couldn’t stand my parents leaving. Every time they tried to have a night out I put them through hell (unintentionally) because I had such terrible anxiety over them walking out the door. I would cry to the point of hyperventilating. True story. I know I’m going a bit off track here, but this is the stuff that’s in the back of my mind as Evan protests sleeping. As he shrieks for me after I leave the room I can’t help but wonder, “Am I fostering an anxiety issue by rocking him to sleep? By answering his cries?” I know moms have very differing opinions on this, and I welcome them all!

So, as I said, I wrote that on Monday. Miraculously things have gotten a LOT better! Since writing about the bedtime battles, Evan has slept through EVERY night! He’s also gone down to bed easily AND he’s even been sleeping in! Wild! I am always amazed at how things change and yet it makes so much sense. Looking at me now I don’t think anyone would have thought of me as a scared little girl that couldn’t manage to sleepover at her friend’s house. We start changing from day one and we never stop! That is the beauty of life. That is what keeps things interesting, as people and as parents.

I Love Birthdays!

2011-05-30T08:28:00.010-04:00

Evan’s birthday celebration last weekend was followed by my birthday celebration this weekend. I turned 32 yesterday. On Saturday John took Evan to my parents place in Almonte where he stayed for the night so John and I could have a date night downtown. We had a wonderful time! The weather turned around which allowed us to patio hop and go for a beautiful walk behind the Chateau Laurier here in Ottawa. I absolutely loved spending a night with my handsome, wonderful man. He spoiled me rotten! We started with a glass of wine and mussels, then we hopped to another place for sushi and more wine, and then we went to yet another restaurant for delicious cheesecake, more wine and champagne! We rounded out the evening with poutine (ya we did)! It was like we were young again! Ha ha ha!

I’m so in love with John. First of all he’s hot. That’s obviously not the only reason I love him, but I have to put that out there. I have a smokin’ hot man on my hands. Secondly, he’s always up for ANYTHING! He’s got endless amounts of energy and as he says, chutzpah! Thirdly, he’s hilarious, in his mannerisms and his words, oh he makes me laugh. John, my beautiful son, my family including my brother who left me an awesome singing birthday message, my mom and dad, and John’s family (now mine too) are the greatest gift I could ask for on my birthday. They are all healthy (which is an incredible blessing that I don’t take for granted) and they bring happiness to each other and to me. So maybe my “smile lines” are a bit deeper, maybe my hands are looking a little “old”, so people no longer say to me, “you’re so young”… that’s okay, I’ve got it good and I’m looking forward to this new year I’ve been given.

The classic date night extenda-arm pic!

And the no-flash pic taken by a sweet person walking by who saw us trying to take a picture of ourselves and offered to take one for us...

Before the big date night my Saturday morning was spent hanging out with this little dude!

My Little Nugget is ONE!

2011-05-19T07:31:00.009-04:00

Today Evan is 365 days old and I am one proud mama, let me tell you! How can I sum up Evan’s first year? I think pictures say it best!

From this...

To this (5 months later)...

TO THIS!

He is a beautiful human being.

I love you Evan! xoxo

Birthday Extravaganza!

2011-05-16T20:20:00.009-04:00

Following in his mother’s footsteps, Evan has started celebrating his birthday a week and a half early. I have been practicing the birth week, instead of the birthday, for years now. In fact, since hitting my 30’s I celebrate birth month! Why not?

We started E’s birthday celebrations with a photo shoot. Thank you Christine Tripp for taking brilliant photographs of our little guy! And for making him his first ever birthday cake! As soon as we put it in front of Evan he went for it. We had to blow out the candle quickly because he attacked that cake as if he had never eaten chocolate a day in his life. Wait, that’s the truth! He started with his hands, he soaked them in icing and started licking them like lollipops. I have to be honest, I was a bit nervous watching him chow down, thinking about what chocolate was going to do to him, but I let him have his fun. Next thing we knew Evan face planted right into the cake. See for yourself...

When he sat up he had icing so far up his nostrils he couldn’t use his nose to breathe. We got him all cleaned up, but chocolate icing was coming out of his nose for days.

Then on Saturday we celebrated in Toronto. John’s family is in Toronto so we thought it would be nice to celebrate there, as well as in Ottawa. We actually had a tag team birthday with his buddy Ashton! It was a zoo of family, children, babies, pizza, cake, gifts, and fun! Evan was spoiled! This is one very fortunate kid!

Poor little guys was so overwhelmed by all the people he hardly cracked a smile.

Here's the birthday boy stealing his friend Rory's treats.

Evan’s actual 1st birthday is on Thursday (May 19th). It’s a milestone and a celebration for John and I as much as Evan. We’re celebrating the fact that we've kept Evan healthy and happy for an entire 12 months! Considering we didn’t know what we were doing when we had him we haven’t screwed up too badly. He has become the light in our lives. When I see John look at him it absolutely melts my heart. This little guy of ours is a miracle, there is no other way to describe it. A miraculous, cake eating, smiley, curious, rambunctious, loyal, handsome, affectionate little guy… who is now officially walking by the way! Walking, just in time for his first birthday.

Never A Day Off

2011-05-02T21:28:00.000-04:00

In the last week it has really hit me like a ton of bricks. You don’t get a day off from being a mom. An obvious statement, but knowing something is true and actually experiencing it for oneself are two different things. So what is it that’s happened in the last week that has made me truly realize that I am a full-time, 24-7, for eternity, mom? I’m pretty sure Evan’s energy brought on this revelation. He’s been sick for a week. He’s had a bad cold, yet his energy has not really been affected. When I’m sick with a cold I’m usually lethargic. Not Evan. Evan just takes his cold on the go, slobbering and snotting all over the place. Snotting, yes, new word! Use it!

I was tired this last week. I was fighting off some nasty germs myself, and all I wanted to do was lie on the couch, read a magazine and sip on some tea, but that is not an option for me anymore. Not with a very active son. I have never worked so hard in my life. I put in a full day at work, then I come home and mother my butt off, then I do house work, and if I’m lucky I get that hour before I have to put myself to bed when I can watch something funny on TV or read a book… The “me time” is the hour I’m cramming into my day… Before Evan it was “me time” pretty much all the time. Good thing I took advantage of it for all those years. Luckily, in many ways, I feel very positive about how I maximize the hours in a day. I can’t believe how much I do, and my sleeping has improved. I hit that pillow and its lights out! There are those moments though when I fantasize about Mary Poppins knocking on my door offering to take Evan for a few hours so I can do whatever I want. I’m fortunate that I have family and friends to watch Evan, but you know, those are always planned “babysitting” type scenarios. It’s not very often where, as a mother, you have someone show up in a random moment of need to give you a break.

Okay, so now I’m tempted to gush about how much I love Evan and how it’s all so worth it. That’s true. My heart absolutely aches with love for him, but that doesn’t change the fact that being a mom is exhausting sometimes and that sometimes I just want a day off and knowing that it is not an option makes me even more exhausted. I’m not going to spoon full of sugar it. That’s the truth!

Ever Been to Mucus Falls?

2011-04-27T07:29:00.008-04:00

I have snot all over me. On my face, my clothes, and in my hair. Evan has such a bad cold his nose is like an open faucet, I’ve never seen anything like it. Just last week I was thinking about how lucky we’ve been over the winter, John and I were in good health all season, and Evan has really only suffered through a couple of small colds since he was born. Well now he’s got a doozie and it came out of nowhere, without warning he woke up Monday morning a total sickie. He’s being needy of course, but other than that and his nose he’s actually fairing pretty well. He’s such a trooper.

Thankfully Evan was healthy and happy over the Easter weekend which was a good thing because we had lots of visitors!

Here's Evan and his very good natured pal, Rory. I say good natured because Rory didn’t fuss once while Evan attempted to steamroll him in the playpen!

Here's Evan with his Nanu, Charlie (John's dad).

As you can see the Easter Bunny paid us a visit.

And here's E enjoying some Q.T. with his uncle Andrew and Lorraine.

Damaged Goods?

2011-04-19T08:07:00.001-04:00

Are you the type of person that looks at yourself in the mirror before jumping into the shower or do you avoid the naked glance all together? I always look. I’m curious. It’s so rare that I see myself without any clothes on, I want to know what’s going on under the layers. I have to say I’m very pleased with how my body bounced back after being pregnant. My stomach is more or less flat and I don’t have any stretch marks. My skin is stretched, in the sense that when I fold my body in half it sort of gathers in an unflattering way, but really, how often am I going to be posing like that for anyone?! I’ve already told you about my boobs, they’re smaller, but I can deal with that. My legs have always been the bane of my existence, but I’m even starting to finally embrace them. I would say the only thing I’m unhappy with is my c-section scar. I remember looking at it the day after my surgery and my first thought was, “It’s so big!” It looked way bigger than my girlfriend Emily’s. I was so alarmed that I vowed not to look at it again for at least a few days. It looked better once they took the staples out on day three, but I remember still being upset with my doctor. I actually uttered the words, “I told her to make a small incision…” to myself. Now I’m sure some of you are reading this thinking, “She’s so vain!” Well that’s fine, you can think that. Obviously the scar is worth the miracle that came out of it (my little Evan), that’s a given people, but that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m working on my body right now, I’m working out and I’m eating better than ever (my trainer has me doing this no carbs or sugars, including fruit, past lunch). I want to be healthy and happy, for me, for my son, for John and for bikini weather. I can feel my little love handles are fading away, my arms look stronger, but that scar, that scar and the scar tissue around it fail to disappear. If you touch the actual scar itself it’s very hard, and on either side of it I have these bumps of, either scar tissue, or fat, I don’t know. It looks gross if you ask me… It’s like a little bum. Ewwwwww. Remember that first scratch you got on your new car? Remember how it made you feel kinda sick? That’s the way I feel about my scar on bad days. I love antique furniture, and if one of my pieces gets a nick in it I don’t get upset because it just adds more character. That’s the way I look at my scar on good days. Although I wouldn’t really want anyone looking at me like an antique. I’m only 31 for goodness sakes!

Happy Friday!

2011-04-08T06:25:00.004-04:00

They're calling for rain this weekend in the Ottawa area, but I'm praying for more sun, just like we got yesterday! Evan loves blue skies! Just look at the smile on his face.

Bye Bye Boobies

2011-04-07T08:18:00.001-04:00

I stopped breastfeeding a while ago, mid January actually. It happened naturally. Evan was totally cool with taking a bottle and truthfully he seemed to be losing interest in the breast. I didn’t pick a day as my last day to breastfeed, I just gradually cut back and then decided I was done. I had a few women tell me how hard it was for them and how they sobbed after their “last feeding” and I just thought to myself, mental note, don’t do that! Breastfeeding is incredible, the fact that my body produced all the nutrients Evan needed as an infant still blows my mind. I’m really thankful that I was able to breastfeed. I especially enjoyed the middle of the night feeds, when it was just Evan and I in the dark of the night, not a sound to be heard, it was very special. I remember crying the first time he had a bottle. I got very emotional because all of a sudden I felt like an inanimate object was doing the same job I was putting my heart and soul into (really, because at the time breastfeeding Evan hurt so much I had to really pull from my inner strength to keep going). As I cut back on breastfeeding I got less emotional about it because (on the up side) I felt like I was starting to get some freedom back. If I’m totally honest with you I’ll also say at this time that I really enjoyed being reunited with red wine. Side note – Do you watch Cougar Town? I’m asking for my very own “Big Carl” for my birthday this year.

Since I’ve stopped breastfeeding my breasts have gotten smaller. They definitely look different compared to my pre pregnancy/breastfeeding breasts. They’re… Well… They’re sort of limp in comparison and small! The fact that I’m working out now isn’t helping the situation. Why oh why when I start to work out are my boobs the first thing to disappear?! Why can’t my inner thighs vanish as quickly? Luckily John isn’t a boob guy. He’s a me guy. I’m a lucky lady! If I ever dare tell him I want to lose weight I can always count on him to say, “Don’t you dare or I’ll have to feed you bacon salads”. I love him for it. So there’s my boob update. My boobs, what’s left of them, are mine again.

Friend Love

2011-04-03T20:12:00.006-04:00

We just had a wonderful weekend with our friends Chris and Hayley and their little guy Ashton. Ashton was born on May 9th and Evan was born on May 19th, so technically there are only 10 days between them, but it seems like more. Ashton is walking! He’s starting to know his colours, he can point to his nose when prompted, he's really a mini-man and so much fun! I guess it makes sense that Ashton seems so much further along than Evan because he was 2 weeks overdue and Evan was 10 days early (because of the planned C-section). I know no matter the age every baby develops at their own pace. It’s just really fun to see what’s in store for us. I can’t wait!

So the two little guys really got along well. Evan absolutely loved Ashton! This was evident from the numerous kisses Evan gave him. Evan couldn’t stop showing his affection for Ashton, it was hilarious. Luckily Ashton was a good sport about it. He even got a kick out of Evan steam rolling him! It made me realize how deprived Evan’s been. While I was on maternity leave we had our little play dates with other babies, but since I’ve been back at work Evan’s really only had adults as companions. Seeing him light up around Ashton I decided that I have to make more of an effort to get him out with other kids his age on a regular basis.

Chris, Hayley, and Ashton are on their way back to Toronto now and Evan is having a well deserved nap. I’m already looking forward to our next weekend together, Evan’s going to miss his buddy.

Big Teeth

2011-03-30T07:59:00.003-04:00

Evan’s two front top teeth have cut through and they look HUGE! Honestly, they look like adult teeth. Poor little guy. Unfortunately due to his discomfort he’s been waking up an average of twice a night and the only thing that will calm him down is feeding him. Not a good habit to get into I know, but what else am I supposed to do?! This morning he woke up at 4am so I went in, gave him his soother and patted his back. I thought he went back to sleep, but when my alarm went off at 4:30am he was up again. Nothing I did calmed him so at 5:15am I caved and gave him a bottle. I was going to be late for work so I had no other choice. Truth is Evan always wakes up once to be fed. I know he shouldn’t need a dream feed at 10 months, but he’s waking up for it… Probably out of habit now… Oh what have I done?! We’re going to attempt to wean him off by decreasing the amount of formula in his bottle each night. I hope it works, although I wonder if there’s any point to starting the weaning process while he’s teething. Wait, we have to, he going to be teething for years! Oh the mixed emotions… I marvel at his development (Teeth, hello?! Totally cool!), but agonize over the sleepless nights his development is causing. Ah well, you know what, who am I kidding, I don’t care that much. I’m the luckiest girl in the world! I’ve got an awesome baby, a fantastic man, oh and there’s my health! I have my health! Happy Wednesday!

Moved

2011-03-27T20:17:00.003-04:00

If you’ll bear with me I would like to share a non-baby related post…

I still get inspired by movies. As a younger woman (girl) I would drift on highs or lows for days over a movie, over a scene, a kiss, an exchange of words that resonated with me. At 31 years of age I can still get caught up in a movie and fantasize about how my life, if it were a movie, would unfold. John was out with the boys playing poker last night so I rented Morning Glory. It was really cute. Not one of the best movies I’ve ever seen, but it did move me enough to write.

The movie was about a young woman looking for her big break as a television morning show producer. It got me thinking about my own career. I think I’m doing pretty well for myself career wise, yet when I was in high school I pictured myself at this age with an Academy Award on my mantel along with various other accolades supporting my God given talent - acting. Ha! Truth is I don’t think I can act. I can to a certain extent, but I’m no Meryl Streep! Could I have been? I’m inclined to say who knows, but I think I do. If I had the capability of being as talented an actor as she is I would have gone for it. I was always a confident girl growing up, and when I discovered radio I knew I would succeed, and I have. I’ve enjoyed a great on-air career and I’m the Program Director of a top rated radio station, yet after watching that movie I can’t help but think, “If I had tried harder, known more about my craft, about my business, would I have gone further? Would I be in a different place, a better place?” I ask myself questions like this from time to time so it doesn’t alarm me necessarily. I think it’s important that I step back and look at my life every once in a while. Besides, being somewhat on the mellow dramatic side I enjoy it because it makes me appreciate where I am and how far I’ve come. I know that no matter where I am in life I will always be optimistic. I will always think that I can take up more space. A part of me will always believe that I am one great idea away from my big break, knowing all the while that I’m living my big break right now and loving every minute of it.

I'm Back

2011-03-22T15:31:00.002-04:00

It’s been a while. I can’t exactly tell you why I haven’t posted anything. I’m inclined to say I’m busy living my life instead of writing about it, but that sounds harsh and that’s really not how I feel. I love writing and I certainly love writing about my little boy, but I guess I can say that for the last month and a bit I’ve really been focusing on myself and getting ‘me’ back on track. As a result I feel better than ever! In less than two months Evan will be one year old. I’m almost there ladies, and I feel victorious! First of all because Evan is a beautiful, healthy, happy, fascinating little boy which to me means I’m doing a good job. I also feel victorious because John and I are stronger than ever and I’m back at work and absolutely loving it. There were (many) days 6, 4… 3 months ago when I didn’t think I would ever feel this way, yet here I am, ready to shout from the mountain tops, “I love being a mom!”. Oh, and can I tell you about the cherry on top of my already great mood? This past Sunday Evan said “Mom”. Now he had no idea what it meant, but he said it. Sure he said “Dad” on Friday, Saturday, Sunday, yesterday and today, but that’s okay. Mom is a harder word and I know I’ll get an ear full of “Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom” as he grows so I’m not worried. Even hearing it once sent shivers through me. We’ve already been through so, so much together Evan and I, but there’s still a lifetime ahead of us.

I’m back ladies and I will try to post more often, thank you for your notes and messages and thank you for helping me through these first 10 months.

So Much Fun

2011-02-08T19:59:00.007-05:00

After dinner I took Evan down to the basement to crawl around and expel his energy before bedtime. He was happily exploring when I started “chasing” him on my hands and knees. He got a big kick out of this. When I stopped and crawled away from him he started to chase me… I swear! When he got to me I picked him up and turned him upside down and he loved every minute of it. Then I sat him back down and he started crawling away from me again. I started chasing him again and this time I said, “I’m going to get you”. Well he let out a squeal and a giggle like he knew exactly what I said to him. He started to crawl faster, but I got him. I did the same thing as before, I picked him up, turned him around and plopped him back down on the floor. Guess what he did next? He started quickly crawling away from me. I said, “I’m going to get you” and he squealed again. Amazing! He really knew what was going on. We were really playing with one another. As I was putting him to bed just moments ago, I looked at him in my arms and realized just how much fun the two of us are going to have together... Feeling very fortunate in this moment to have been given such a gift.

I just want to kiss his little face off!

Ummm, thanks mom...

Okay mom, that's good...

Mom, that's good! Stooooooop!

Up The Stairs We Go

2011-02-07T07:35:00.002-05:00

Last night Evan CLIMBED THE ENTIRE FLIGHT OF STAIRS! It was like a miracle was happening right before my eyes! This little guy of mine is amazing. I was playing with him in our living room when he started crawling towards our front door. He stopped at the mat in our front hallway and admired the texture of it by patting it repeatedly. Then he saw the stairs and went for them. He started pulling himself up and I thought he was just going to stand there, but he actually pulled himself onto the next step, and then the next step, and the next one. I started squealing like a little school girl. I was there ready to catch him if he missed a step, but he didn't. He climbed the entire flight as if it was no big deal. When he got to the top he turned around and shot me the biggest grin! I don't know when or where he learned this. Just a couple of weeks ago I was trying to teach him how to climb the stairs and he wasn’t quite getting it. He’s developing so quickly it’s blowing my mind. I can hardly wait to get home from work today to watch him do it again!

Mom, there's someone at the door...

Okay, time to tackle these stairs!

This is a piece of cake mom...

How Quickly Things Change... From Desperate to Elated!

2011-01-31T06:39:00.005-05:00

EVAN SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT LAST NIGHT!

After writing my last "desperate" post I continued to up Evan's formula for the rest of the day. In the end I guess that's what he needed because last night he slept through the night. HE SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT!

Maybe it wasn't just the increased formula, it might have had something to do with the fact that he hardly slept through the day yesterday. That first nap I put him down for only lasted 20 minutes, and it was the same for his second. So he was obviously exhausted when bed time rolled around. I'm preparing myself for the fact that he may be up 5 times tonight... But I'm also trying to enjoy this moment!

I ended up calling my mom yesterday afternoon because I was so distraught. A chat with her was exactly what I needed. She more or less told me to stop sweating the sleep thing. She said that if I could just shift my way of thinking that things might get better. I’ve been so concerned with his sleep schedule and trying to plan my day around when I might be able to get him down… Mom told me to stop all that! She said, if he stays up for four hours straight so be it. As long as he’s happy, he’ll fall asleep when he’s ready. She also said something that really resonated with me. She reminded me that Evan is a baby. She said that sometimes he’ll need me for no apparent reason and because he’s a baby all I need to do is love him and be there for him. So that’s it, I’m going to stop my fussing! If he’s wakes up after 20 minutes and he’s crying for me, I’m going to him. It’s not going to damage him for life, and I have to get it out of my head that he’s never going to sleep well because I don’t have him on a schedule at 8 months. My new belief is that it’s going to work itself out in time. I already feel the stress leaving my shoulders.

Energizer Evan

2011-01-30T10:59:00.004-05:00

Evan oh Evan, why do you hate sleep so much? Why is it that you can be up for 4 hours straight and still not want to go down for your nap?! Why, when you finally do act tired and I put you down to sleep do you all of a sudden get your second wind and start playing in your crib like it's a jungle gym?

HELP! What can I do differently to get this baby of mine to sleep well? After talking to my wonderful girlfriend Hayley yesterday I decided that I might not be feeding him enough. Today I increased the amount of formula we give him before trying to put him down for his first nap. Unfortunately it didn't make a difference. Evan (even though he was yawning and rubbing his eyes) still protested when I tried to put him down. He cried while standing in his crib for 10 minutes. At that point I went back into his room, gave him his soother, and rubbed his back. He finally went down, but I want it to be easier than that, I mean shouldn't it be easier than that? I want him to go to sleep happily... Is there any chance he'll change? I've read sleep books and talked to friends and I'm really starting to wonder if Evan is "special" in a sense that he doesn't need the same amount of sleep as other babies? That sounds like a desperate mom talking doesn't it? I know in my heart of hearts he needs the sleep. I just don't know what I can do to help him get it. Even if I do get him down for his nap he hardly ever sleeps more than an hour. In fact, half hour naps are common around here. According to what I've read his first nap of the day should be two hours. Again, what am I doing wrong? I'm not even going to write about the horror that is his night time sleep. I'll just say that he's basically up every two hours.

I know, I wrote a post not that long ago talking about how much his sleeping had improved. Well it looks like the travelling we did over Christmas and our trip to Cuba officially messed that up... And this week we've hit rock bottom.

Desperate Mom - Out.

He only looks innocent...

Boo-Boo

2011-01-28T09:41:00.002-05:00

Now that Evan is crawling like a mad man and pulling himself up on everything within his reach he’s getting some boo-boo’s. I follow him everywhere of course and always have one hand on him while he’s practicing his standing, but my reflexes aren’t always quick enough when he loses his balance. He’s already had a few good head bumps. Poor, poor baby. The worst is his cry when he hurts himself. You know the one where there’s silence for 5 seconds followed by a blood curdling shriek?! Ouch! Oh, and I haven’t even told you about the boo-boo of all boo-boo’s. It happened over Christmas. We were visiting our friends in Toronto and Evan was on my lap at the dining room table. I was trying to do something with my right hand so I didn’t have both hands around him when he squirmed. He ended up falling over to my right and hitting his mouth hard on the table. I instantly felt sick to my stomach. I’ve never heard him cry the way he did after that happened. I took him in my arms and held him tight and told him I was sorry. Over and over again I said it, “I’m sorry baby, I’m sorry!” Oh my gosh I felt so guilty. I ran upstairs into my friend’s son’s room and whipped out my boob in the hopes of soothing him. When I pulled him from my tight hold to put him on my breast I saw blood. Bright red blood was coming from Evan’s mouth. That’s when I freaked. I yelled for John and he came bolting up the stairs three steps at a time. There was blood all over my shoulder, and all around his mouth. John was calm, thank goodness because I was not. What happened was he cut his lip when he hit the table. A bit of booby juice and some ice and he was fine, thankfully.

You know I always thought I would be calm in the wake of a traumatic event (let's face it, all scrapes and bruises are traumatic when it’s your baby), but it’s something I have to work on apparently. I know freaking out doesn’t help the situation and I know there will be more boo-boo’s to come, after all, I have a boy on my hands! An active boy at that. I better toughen up.

If You're Dealing With Baby Diarrhea...

2011-01-24T09:58:00.001-05:00

Click here for a helpful article.

Evan's New Friend!

2011-01-22T15:36:00.006-05:00

My bestie, Emily had her second child on Thursday. She and her husband Brad decided they would not find out the sex, so it was an honest to goodness surprise when they found out it was a BOY! Griffin Patrick Weir is an absolute cutie. I went to visit Emily and meet the new addition to our friendmily last night. He is really too sweet. Congratulations Emily, Brad and Clementine!

Here's Clementine giving her new brother little kisses...

What The Heck Is Going On?

2011-01-22T15:32:00.006-05:00

Evan has diarrhea. It started on Monday… it’s now Saturday. It’s been six days of changing the yuckiest smelling diapers you can imagine. He’s pooping 4-5 times during the day and at least once at night. It’s the night time poops that are the worst. Sometimes they’re so bad I have to change his pajamas which totally wakes him up. Of course after feeding him and changing him half an hour goes by that I’m wide awake in the middle of the night. I’m not sure if it’s the after effects of Cuba or teething or what, but I hope he starts pooping like he used to soon. We’ve switched to a soy-based formula in case it was sensitivity to his milk-based formula, but that hasn’t helped. We’ve been giving him rice and bananas, but that hasn’t helped. I called his doctor and he said 10 poops a day is the benchmark for concern. If he’s pooping under 10 times than it will most likely correct itself in time. My question is, how long is it going to take?! The doctor also said to keep an eye out for signs of dehydration. Oh boy, this is not so fun.

What was fun was my date with John last night. We went out in Almonte (so my parents could watch Evan) and had a really lovely time. Our dinner was delicious and we talked each other’s ears off! Ha ha! We decided to spend the night in town so that we could have a few drinks. Unfortunately Evan failed to communicate with us in advance that he really wanted to go home to sleep. He was up ALL NIGHT! Finally at 3:30am I said to John, “Pack up, we’re going home.” We made it back to Barrhaven by 4:30am and Evan went straight to sleep and stayed sleeping until 8am. Then he had an hour and a half long morning nap. It’s weird, it’s like he just wanted to be in his own bed. That’s not cool! How are John and I supposed to get our date on if Evan won’t sleep well in his play pen. I’m hoping this is another one of those temporary things.

Other than that things are good! I gave Evan Cheerios for the first time today and he loved them! Yay, one more thing that can keep him happily amused!

Tonight we’re having some friends over for dinner… I hope (after last night) I can keep my eyes open.

Here he is, poopie diarrhea pants, eating his Cheerios!

Cuba, Si!

2011-01-16T08:33:00.009-05:00

We did it! Not only did we survive 7 days out of the comfort of our country let alone our home, we loved every minute of it!

Last Friday, John, Evan, and I along with my parents boarded a plane for Varadero, Cuba. Leading up to the trip I was very excited, but also a little nervous. I was nervous that Evan wouldn’t travel well; that his ears would pop on the plane, that he would have a reaction to the Cuban sun, that he wouldn’t be able to sleep without the white noise of his humidifier (hey, it actually crossed my mind). Thankfully Evan loved the plane (and every woman on it… he’s such a flirt). He loved the sun, although I was very careful to keep him either covered or in the shade, and he slept just fine without the humidifier (thanks to the Sleep Sheep and a fan in the room). Yes, our all inclusive vacation in paradise was just that… Paradise! Thanks to the helpful hands of my mom and dad and brother and his girlfriend (who met us there) I even had time to relax in the sun and get a bit of a tan. Sure, it was different than vacations pre-Evan, but I enjoyed the difference. I hardly drank and I was actually okay with that. Instead of partying all night the way I did just a few years ago when I travelled to Cuba with my girlfriends, I went to bed early in exchange for waking up early to take a beautiful walk along the beach with Evan and John. Like I said, paradise!

I think Evan’s favourite part of the trip was the first time we took him to the beach. As soon as we arrived we went straight for the ocean and I would pay money to see his reaction a second time. He absolutely lit up. His hands and legs were going and he was grinning ear to ear. John knelt down with him and let him put his hands in the sand and he was in heaven. In fact, just his hands weren’t enough, Evan wanted to be crawling in it, so we let him. It was so much fun to watch him discover something new. His second favourite thing was the buffet. Evan is all about the ‘all you can eat’ buffet. Its official, Evan is his father’s son (they share the same appetite). I swear, Evan would have eaten anything we put in front of him. At one point I had to tell John to stop feeding him, I was afraid his little tummy would explode. Evan loved the fruit there and the staff was so good to make mashed potatoes and pumpkin for him. Of course we brought our own food with us as well, but we could have gotten by on the food they provided at the resort.

It was truly a once in a lifetime vacation and I’m so thankful to my family for making it happen.

This inflatable kiddie pool worked great as a play area for Evan and as a beach crib for him to sleep in!

Here we are on one of our sunrise walks along the beach!

Day 2

2011-01-05T08:13:00.002-05:00

I told myself that if I could get through my first day back at work I would be okay… and it would appear I was right.

Yesterday my alarm went off at 4:30am… not for an Evan related reason, but to get ready for my first day back at the office after 7 and a half months of maternity leave. Well I guess that’s not totally accurate. I technically started back to work three months after Evan was born, but I had the luxury of working from home, and let me tell you, it was a LUXURY. My commute was two sets of stairs and my office attire consisted of pajama bottoms and a cozy hoodie. Yesterday I had to shower (gasp), do my hair (double gasp), put on make-up (… you get the idea) and bust out ‘real clothes’. Thankfully I wasn’t emotional. I had a plan of attack. The night before, when I was starting to feel anxious about leaving my baby I read. I read and read and read until my eyes were shutting on their own. I knew that if I tried to sleep before exhausting myself I would have tossed and turned worrying about how Evan was going to do without me and with our new nanny.

As it turned out I was actually kind of excited when I woke up. I felt like a kid on her first day back to school. I even bought a new outfit for the occasion. Walking down the hall, past Evan’s room, I didn’t even pause. Not for a moment… I didn’t let myself think about leaving him. When I actually got to work it felt… neat. Within a matter of a couple of hours it felt like I had never left! It was nice to be around my wonderful colleagues and it was nice to discuss non-baby related things. That being said, when my eight hour day was up I bolted for the door. Before Evan my days at the office were 10, 11, 12 hours… not anymore. I’ve got a baby to get home to now, some quality time to spend before bed time.

On the way home I thought about stopping at the grocery store as I needed some things for dinner, but I couldn’t bear another 10 minutes away from Evan so I headed straight for home. I walked in the door to discover he was fast asleep enjoying his afternoon nap. I was disappointed, but happy our nanny was able to get him down okay. When he woke up I ran for his room. I nearly kissed his face off and he seemed happy about it. He was all smiles for his mommy and it made me feel like I was the luckiest woman on the planet. I guess he’ll survive my return to work. I guess I will too.

So Far So Great

2011-01-02T19:38:00.010-05:00

So far 2011 is shaping up to be awesome! The last two days Evan has been the sweetest, most content, easy-going, cute, happy baby! All while cutting two teeth if you can believe it. Yes, just this morning I felt them for the first time. His two bottom teeth are coming in and I’m so excited for him! So how can it be that he’s being so wonderful? I don’t know… Maybe he’s happy to have the holidays behind him. After all it was pretty busy. Or maybe he’s enjoying having both his dad and his mom with him for the last three days. Whatever it is it’s making me love him all that much more.

Now for a little recap. First of all, Christmas! It was wonderful. This Christmas John and I travelled to Toronto to be with his family and it was really great. His family is so kind and warm and welcoming, and they were really tickled pink to be part of Evan’s first festive season. On Boxing Day we made the trek from Toronto to Almonte to spend time with my family which was equally great. For the most part Evan was really good. He was a dream in the car which meant my Christmas wish came true. He was also pretty good with all the new faces. Honestly I can’t complain, for being in different homes and around so many people he did really well. Unfortunately he did come down with a cold on Boxing Day, but it’s almost gone now and besides affecting his sleep a little he’s been a rock star through it. So yes, all in all Christmas was beautiful.

Oh, and I have to tell you that Evan is now officially crawling! Can you believe it?! He also pulled himself up (to his feet) on the couch for the first time yesterday. Thankfully just the day before John and I lowered his crib. I was having nightmares of hearing kurplunk in the night and it seems my mommy’s intuition was bang on.

I tell ya, life as a mom just keeps getting better and better. It’s going to be very hard going back to work on the 4th. As it is, for the last 7 and a half months I haven’t missed a single milestone… that may change now, but I can’t think that way. I’ll manage like all the other working moms do.

I hope you all had a fantastic holiday season. Here’s to 2011, may it be rich in many ways!

I Am Slowly Going Crazy

2010-12-23T19:27:00.004-05:00

Forget baby brain... how about Christmas brain?! Wow. I feel like I've been running around like a chicken with my head cut off for the last week. I've made check lists in an attempt to remember everything, but sometimes even with check lists things fall through the cracks. For example, my girlfriend Kim had John, Evan and I along with a couple of my other besties for a delicious lunch today. We had a great visit and as we left I gave her a small hostess gift, a bottle of wine in a festive bag.

During the Christmas season John and I travel with wine. Since we visit so many people we like to have it on hand. Pretty much everyone we know enjoys to sip on vino so it's a safe bet for a thank-you and Merry Christmas wish.

After leaving Kim's we got home and I felt like enjoying a glass myself. I asked John to grab the half empty bottle from the box of wine (half empty because I enjoyed some of it last night... tis the season). Well he couldn't find the bottle... It took a minute, but I soon realized what I had done. I immediately called my girlfriend and sheepishly asked, "Did I give you a half empty bottle of wine?" Being the wonderful friend she is she laughed and confirmed my fear. Then we burst out in laughter together. Thankfully Kim is a new mom too so she understands my absent mindedness. At least now I know what I'll be getting her next year... The other half. :)

Marveling

2010-12-14T09:48:00.002-05:00

I’m typing as my adorable son talks to his Sophie giraffe. It’s early morning and he is so happy. He’s playing contently on the floor. Every once in a while he’ll look my way and give me an ear to ear grin. Life is so good. Honestly, things are great these days. Evan is sleeping so much better and it seems like he’s growing by the minute. He can get from one end of the room to the other in record speed if he sees something he wants. He does this inch worm thing to move forward and it is the cutest thing you’ve ever seen! He’ll be full on crawling before I know it. Sometimes I tear up looking at him. I can’t believe how he’s developing, I can’t believe John and I are responsible for creating him, and I’m so excited to see what the coming days, weeks, months, years are going to bring. Happy snowy Tuesday!

The Sleep Situation.

2010-12-09T13:05:00.000-05:00

We’ve turned a corner in the sleep department my friends!

Not this past weekend, but the weekend before I had my girlfriends over and of course there was a lot of baby talk. God love my two girlfriends who don’t have children for bearing through it. I was telling them all about Evan’s sleeping habits, the getting up every two hours (or less) through the night, the resisting naps and stress it was causing me. That’s when my one girlfriend said to me, “Josie, you have to let him cry it out”. Of course there are many opinions on this. The strongest come from those who disagree with it as a method of sleep training. I myself have struggled with it. I read one book that was dedicated to sleep training and it suggested letting the baby cry out, but not without checking on him every 5 to 10 minutes to let him know you haven’t abandoned him. I’ve also read books that say the crying-out method is wrong and you should go in and sooth your baby back to sleep either by patting him on the back or singing, etc. Now I’m no expert, I mean, I’m only 6 and a half months into this mother gig, but I believe all babies are different and what works for one might not EVER work for another. That’s why I don’t hold judgment (or at least try not to) when it comes to mothering.

If you’ve followed my sleep woes you know that Evan is the type of baby that can really fight sleep and when he’s fighting it is hard to calm him… I believe some would describe him as “spirited”. When things were bad and he was resisting sleep NOTHING would calm him down. Not rocking, not singing, not a soother. Even if I fed him it would only offer temporary relief from his blood curdling scream. I was getting so desperate and I was becoming so sleep deprived I listened to my girlfriend when she told me to let him cry it out. I did it that very night (two Friday’s ago). I closed the bedroom door, turned on the humidifier for white noise, kept the monitor OFF and went to bed. I did set my alarm periodically through the night so I could check on him though. I woke up at 1am, turned on the monitor briefly and heard nothing so I went back to sleep. At 3am I did the same thing and heard nothing. I woke up at 4am (on my own this time, without the alarm) and decided I should physically go in and check on him. When I walked into his room his head popped right up! I quickly exited and went back to my room to let him fall back asleep.

I have no idea how many times he was up that night or for how long. I don’t know how badly he cried because I didn’t hear any of it. The next night by some miracle he only woke up twice! That’s compared to the 4-5 times he was waking up just two nights before (and for three weeks before that). Since then John and I have kept up the dream feed and 10pm and then I do another dream feed at 3am. He’s been waking up for the day shortly after 6am. As far as the monitor goes, I have kept it off! I keep the bedroom door open instead. As my mom pointed out she didn’t have a monitor for me or my brother and got by just fine without it. I do still use it for naps of course because I can’t always hear him when I’m downstairs.

Speaking of naps he seems to be going down easier for them now as well. Like magic, the night after I let him cry it out he went down for his nap without a fuss. I read him a story, sang to him, put him down and walked away. It was really that easy. Now he still resists sometimes, I find it gets harder to put him down as the day goes on, but there has been a drastic improvement.

And there you have it… my sleep update. It will probably be different in a couple of days so I’ll keep you posted.

To Purge or Not To Purge

2010-11-30T14:51:00.003-05:00

I decided it’s time for a good closet purge. I started with mine of course, and found a lot of oldies that will become someone else’s goodies. I also found a lot of maternity clothes which forced me to think… Am I going to need them again? I mean maternity clothes aren’t cheap; should I be storing them away for future use or should they go in a bag to good will with the rest of my stuff?

I get the question all the time, ‘Do you think you’ll have another one?’ and I never know what to say. Before Evan came along, when I thought about having a family, that family always consisted of at least two children. Now I’m not so sure. My first 6 months as a mother has been amazing and inspiring, but it's also been very challenging and difficult at times. I think since becoming a mother I have experienced a whole new realm of emotions I didn’t even know I could feel. Maybe when Evan’s two the tough stuff will be a distant memory and all I’ll think about is how wonderful it felt to have a newborn in my arms. Or maybe not. My motto is never say never so I won’t, but right now I’m quite happy with my one beautiful little baby... Then again as I look at the pile of maternity clothes sitting on my bed I still can't seem to make a decision on what to do with them. Perhaps this is one of those examples where actions speak louder than words.

My Best Attempt At An Update

2010-11-26T07:50:00.001-05:00

I have lots and nothing at all to talk about. I mean a lot has gone on here in the last couple of weeks. Evan started rice cereal (he loves it). He turned 6 months old (crazy)! He got his second haircut to date (he looks like he’s about 5 now). We’re working on weaning him off night feeds, oh and we’ve started our Christmas decorating (thought I would throw that in there)! So ya, lots going on and at the same time I haven’t felt very inspired lately to write… What’s up with that? As always at this time of year I’m blaming my lack of motivation on the change of season. The fact that it’s colder now and dark at 5pm is just so yucky. It makes me lethargic, anyone else? Today however I'm feeling pretty good, despite the fact that Evan had another bad night last night and it's freezing rain outside. I think I'm happy it's Friday, I need this weekend!

Speaking of weekends, last sunday John and I decided we would take Evan to his first ever Christmas parade here in Barrhaven to get him in the Christmas spirit. We bundled him up and made our way to the parade route. Only problem was we were at the end of the route and the parade itself didn’t start until 5:30pm. By the time 5:40pm rolled around we realized it was far too cold and was going to be far too late by the time the parade got to us so we packed up, pretended like we saw the parade, convinced Evan it was the best thing ever and went home. Ha!

This year for Christmas both my family and John’s family have agreed to simplify things. Instead of all of us buying presents for everyone we’re drawing names! Yes, I’m a big fan of this! Not only does it make Christmas shopping less hectic, but now we can spend good money on one gift instead of stretching our dollar on gifts that our family members probably don’t really need or might not even want. Evan and I are going to get busy shopping next week! Can’t wait!

The Christmas spirit is definitely running through my veins. Last weekend I finished my Christmas potters which I love (see pic below)! And next weekend (maybe even this weekend) I’m going to get busy decorating inside! Yay! I’m really looking forward to this Christmas, and future Christmas’ with Evan. I look forward to starting our own family traditions. John and I have started a whole new chapter, and the best part is we’re writing it. Our future can be whatever we want it to be! How is that for optimism at this yucky time of year?!

Potter before...

Potter now...

All bundled up for the Christmas parade we didn't end up watching...

As you can see Evan loves his rice cereal...

Bananas not so much...

Evan getting his second haircut to date...

Doesn't he look like a big boy with his new haircut and awesome Adidas track outfit...

Fever Alert!

2010-11-25T12:26:00.001-05:00

I started the process of weaning Evan off his night time feeds this past weekend. It was going well until last night when I went in to find my little guy burning up. He was so hot to the touch it startled me. I instantly went in and woke up John. He got the thermometer and we took his temperature. Luckily he wasn’t in any kind of danger zone as far as his temperature went, but I was still upset. Yes, I was upset, never mind Evan, let’s talk about how his fever made me feel. The fever has now gone down, and for the most part he’s okay. A little more fussy than normal, oh, and he’s pooped three times in the last 24 hours so I’m assuming he’s about to cut his first tooth. This is exciting, but also nerve-racking. I wonder what kind of night we’re in store for tonight.

Making Friends

2010-11-19T07:10:00.002-05:00

As a grown up there are a few places you can meet new friends. First and foremost I would say you meet new friends through your partner. You usually attempt to befriend the people that matter to the guy or girl you’re dating so there’s that. Then there are the friends you make through work, but beyond that how do we as adults make new friends? If you’re into sports, or yoga, or any other group activities you can meet friends that way, but how about just picking up new friends in say, the grocery store? I attempted this one day months ago and apparently it didn’t go that well.

It all started with Evan’s first doctor’s appointment. John and I started chatting with this woman who was there with her daughter. She was a lovely woman and our friendly banter made our waiting time go by quickly. That same week we bumped into her while we were out and about on a Saturday and once again we exchanged friendly conversation. I said to John afterwards that if we saw her again I was going to ask her to exchange numbers or something because she seemed really cool and I thought maybe we could hang out while I was on maternity leave. Her children are older (6 and 10 or something like that) and she’s a stay at home mom so I figured she could share some of her motherly wisdom with me. Then came the third run-in at our local grocery store no less. Turns out she lives just minutes from where John and I live. We laughed about how funny it was that we had bumped into each other again and that’s when I did it! I said we should hang out; I wrote down my name, number, and email address and gave it to her. I didn’t end up asking for her information in case she felt uncomfortable, I just said if she ever wanted to have coffee or something to give me a call. That call never came. And coincidentally I haven’t bumped into her since. Maybe she’s spotted me in the grocery store and hid until the coast was clear, who knows.

I used to say I don’t need any more friends because I was quite happy with the ones I already had. Then of course I met some fabulous women who have become very dear to me and I realized that was a stupid thing to think. Why would I not be open to bringing more wonderful people into my life, to learn from them, laugh with them?! True, John and I have a hard time juggling quality time with the friends we’ve got, but that’s no reason to shut out potential new friends.

So I gave it a shot and was shot down, no biggie. It was a social experiment and I didn’t die of embarrassment so I’d give it another whirl if the opportunity presented itself. Watch out, I could be coming for you next!

Welcome Back… Not Really

2010-11-15T10:08:00.002-05:00

She left for a while, a long while actually... 15 months to be exact and I didn’t miss her one bit! Now she’s back, and making up for lost time.

A gold star to the first person who guesses who, or rather what I’m talking about!

*See comments below

You ladies crack me up! Gold stars to all of you!

Child Care

2010-11-12T06:20:00.001-05:00

I was supposed to head back to work next week! However, I decided to take more time. It just feels too soon. I’m so happy I made the choice to extend my time at home and I’m so fortunate that I work for a company that values family and understands that its employees need to put family first.

That being said I am looking for a nanny for when I do go back into the office in January. So far I haven’t had much luck. John and I decided to go with a nanny instead of daycare simply because we feel Evan is still so young and doesn’t have a set schedule yet so we would prefer for him to stay in the comfort of his own home.

I have to admit I’m getting a little nervous that I’m not going to find someone in time. If any of you have any suggestions for me on how to find a good nanny I would really appreciate it.

City Slicker

2010-11-11T07:39:00.000-05:00

Yesterday Evan and I were running errands around town and he was being so great. He was in the back, taking in the scenery when all of a sudden I smelt something foul. I was actually on my way into work to pay a little visit and I honestly thought about turning around. I was sure Evan had just had a massive poop explosion! The smell was overwhelming. I was having visions of what I was going to find when I lifted him out of his car seat. Was this going to be another mess worthy of cutting his outfit off and throwing it out? Then, I casually turned my head and noticed a tractor in the field we were passing spreading manure. I was relieved, but I also felt like a bit of an idiot. When I told my dad the story he told me I have officially become a city slicker (I grew up in the country) since I couldn’t differentiate my sons ‘brand’ from manure. I swear though, I think Evan’s brand does smell a bit like manure. Ha! Sorry, I should have warned you at the beginning of this post that there was a high gross factor.

Time Change

2010-11-07T20:41:00.001-05:00

I remember when the change back to standard time was awesome because it meant an extra hour of drinking in the bar. Oh how times have changed. This Saturday night was lovely, but it was a far cry from a raging party in one of my favourite downtown establishments. Instead I was with my most wonderful girlfriends in my home town of Almonte. We made personalized mini-pizza’s, I enjoyed two glasses of wine and we were all at home, in bed by 11pm. Unfortunately the extra hour didn’t even mean an extra hour of sleep because Evan was very awake at 6:21am which meant I had to be at least moderately awake as well (he was also up through the night at 11:20pm, 1:30am and 3:30am). Now it’s 8:19pm on Sunday and I’m in bed ready to shut my eyes, hopefully for at least two full hours before Evan’s cry from down the hall pulls me out from underneath my sweet duvet.

I’m glad I spent my teen years sleeping in until 2 in the afternoon. Perhaps that’s how I’m managing to function now, I’m using the sleep I banked as a 16 year old. Note to self, remember this when Evan’s a teenager… don’t be too cruel pulling him out of bed on weekends, he’ll only be that age once and he’ll have responsibilities that will tear him out of bed for most of his life.

Times change, and so far I’ve enjoyed them all, from the wild nights out, to the cozy gatherings, to sleeping the days away and now early mornings with my son. It’s hard to believe sometimes that I’ve been living this life of mine for 31 years. A lot has happened, I’ve been through a lot of time changes, and I look forward to many, many more.

Evan's First Halloween

2010-11-01T08:26:00.009-04:00

Inspired by the tremendous will of the Chilean miners Evan told us he wanted to be one for Halloween... Who were we to argue with him?

Shots… And we ain’t talkin’ about the fun kind.

2010-10-30T16:19:00.001-04:00

Evan received his 4 month vaccine yesterday. Late, I know, but his doctor was away for a month. I was a bit nervous about the appointment, but Evan was a champ! We waited for an hour in the waiting room and he was easy peasy. He was very happy looking at all the people coming and going. Once we got in to see the doctor he put on his best “look at me face” and our pediatrician ate him up. He couldn’t get over his hair style which I thought was quite fun. When it came time for the needle I stood back and let John and the good doctor do their thing. John kept Evan distracted by poking his face and that seemed to work like a charm. He smiled through the whole thing. I swear he didn’t so much as flinch. I don’t know if it was the baby Tylenol I gave him before we went in or if this kid is just tough, but I was thrilled by how it all went. We also had the chance to weigh him and he is [drum roll please] 16 pounds! Yay! That puts him in the 50th percentile. That’s my boy!

Hair do or hair don't? At least the doc got a kick out of it...

Getting Dressed

2010-10-26T08:32:00.005-04:00

My girlfriend Emily came over this weekend to visit. Her daughter Clementine will be 2 in February and she’s due with her second child in January. While she was visiting Evan was sporting his pajamas. In fact he wore his pajamas all day. It was a lazy day so I figured why not! Emily asked me if he wears onsies most of the time, the truth is he doesn’t. Most days I actually look forward to dressing Evan which kind of surprises me. I didn’t think dressing a little boy would be that much fun, but it is. There are a lot of cute outfits for little guys these days. My girlfriend Marie-Lou has got great taste and a love for shopping which has resulted in some great scores for Evan like the tie shirt below… and yes, those are suspenders on his jeans!

Boob Talk

2010-10-24T17:12:00.004-04:00

Somewhere between the excruciating pain I was experiencing and now I fell in love with breastfeeding. So much so that I don’t want to give it up.

The pain I was dealing with when my nipples were cracked was like nothing I’ve felt before. I would start crying before Evan even latched anticipating the pain. I would dig my toes into the ground when he finally did latch and would burst into a stream of profanities. In that moment I never thought I would get to the point where I am now. Breastfeeding no longer hurts, in fact I find it very relaxing*.

I’m heading back to work soon which means I have to wean him and I’m sad about it. I’m going to try to keep my milk supply up so that I can at least continue to give him his bedtime snack. Believe it or not I think it’s the middle of the night feeds I’ll miss the most when the time comes. As much as I would love to sleep through the night I know that once he doesn’t call for me any more at 1am…3am… 4am that a special bonding moment will be over. There’s nothing sweeter than seeing the outline of his shadow as his warm body forms to mine in the dark of the night… Then again he looks pretty cute in the daytime too… Ya Evan, you can go ahead and sleep through the night any time now. Ha!

*For those of you dealing with nipple pain, I think what finally healed mine was the Dr. Newman nipple cream. It took me far too long to actually get the prescription and use it, but once I did it honestly took affect within days. My advice to you is, don’t wait! If you’re hurting get the cream now!

Here I am bottle feeding Evan. Did I ever tell you that the first time I fed Evan formula like this I sobbed. I felt so guilty about it I almost couldn't do it. I still feel a bit guilty, but not so much that I'm reduced to tears. Thankfully.

It Gets Better

2010-10-20T19:44:00.003-04:00

If Evan is gay I will love him. It seems like a ridiculous statement, but the reality is there are many parents out there who do not love their children because they are gay. Can you imagine? Can you imagine being that child? Being abandoned by your parents, taunted by your peers, it would be enough to break even the strongest person, let alone a vulnerable child. Of course there are many gay children who grow up with loving parents, but sometimes that’s not enough. Sometimes the bullies hate overpowers the parents love. Sometimes a bright future can’t be seen through the dark cloud they find themselves in. In the past few months several gay children as young as 11 years old have committed suicide because they were bullied. If only someone could have been there in their moment of need to tell them it gets better.

Now That’s A Poop Explosion!

2010-10-20T07:51:00.000-04:00

Evan’s poop schedule has completely changed. For the first three months he was pooping every day, sometimes numerous times a day. For the last month however he only poops every few days which I’m told is normal (I hope so, I’ll be checking with his doctor when we go in for an appointment next week). Anyhow, it would seem that when Evan finally does get around to pooping, 3 or 4 or 5 days worth comes out all in one shot. Now if you ask John he might describe it differently, as he was the one that was home alone with Evan when he had a poop explosion that would have warranted a flak jacket.

No word of a lie Evan was COVERED in the goopy brow(ish) stuff from HEAD to TOE! The reason I know this is because John took a picture of it. I guess he didn’t think I would believe him if he told me so he wanted the photographic evidence. It was so bad that instead of pulling his onesie over his head John got out the scissors and cut right down the middle to get it off. Now here is the difference between guys and girls, or maybe I should just say the difference between John and me. Not only did he take a picture of Evan covered in poop, he also left the diaper, the soiled onesie, and the towel he used to clean it up with strewn over the kitchen counter! Who does that?! I’m sorry, but I don’t leave all of the diapers I change when John is away on display for him to clean up when he gets home! I was disgusted, and at the same time (oddly) mildly amused.

Evan, when you’re older you can read this and know that you got your dad good, in a way that only a cute baby can.

Finally... An Update!

2010-10-18T14:56:00.008-04:00

I am absolutely full of emotion these days. I haven’t written anything in a while, I know. I can’t seem to find the time in the day, and when I do I can’t seem to be bothered to pick up the computer. I’m tired which makes me that much more emotional. Here’s the thing. Evan’s sleeping hasn’t gotten any better. It all started after he hit the three month mark. In fact I think it started the day after I wrote about how we had hit our groove as mother and son and things seemed to be easier. That’s when he threw me the sleep curve ball. For the last 8 weeks Evan has been taking these short naps that last anywhere from 20 to 45 minutes. Once in a while he’ll sleep for an hour, but for the most part he’s only been taking these quick cat naps. When he wakes up he’s cranky and generally so am I because in that short amount of time I can’t seem to enjoy a nap myself or get anything done. It just makes for a long day. Then there’s the night sleep issue. He’s getting up as much as he did when we first brought him home from the hospital. My dear friend Kim actually sent me an article (see below) on sleep regression and it describes perfectly what’s going on with Evan. At least it’s ‘normal’ and not something I’m doing wrong. So here’s what’s happening, Evan is sleeping pretty well from 7pm to midnight or 1, but then he’s up every hour and a half until morning. It’s exhausting me. I don’t know what to do. I’m hoping he’s going to grow out of it soon. I’ve spoken to a few moms (one just this weekend actually) who have been through the same thing and for some of them this stage lasted for months. I’m preparing myself for the worst and hoping for the best. Of course it’s not like I’m miserable. Even though Evan’s sleep schedule isn’t what I would like it to be he is still the most wonderful baby in the world. Those times when he wakes up cranky I just need to feed him and then he’s happy once again. He’s smiling so much and he’s chatting up a storm. He’ll just sit there and talk and talk and talk. Sometimes he throws in a squeal like he’s telling a really great story. It warms my heart every time. It’s happened. I can say without a doubt that I love this baby more than I love myself. I would do absolutely anything for him and I know that is the way I’m going to feel for the rest of my life. If I’m truthful I can tell you that it took about 4 months for me to feel this way. Every mom bonds in a different way and at different times. With Evan I needed to see more of his personality before I could really connect with him and feel the kind of love I’m experiencing now. He’ll be 5 months tomorrow and his personality is shining through. It’s wild really, it amazes me how quickly he’s developing. The whole thing is such a trip; being a mom, watching this tiny human grow before my eyes… This is life. This is the ultimate life experience.

Enjoying a beautiful fall walk with my dad in Almonte...

Evan and I with my mom and dad...

My baby and my baby...

What a dude!

Sleep Article:

Countless parents come for help with their 4 month old’s sleep. Why? This article will explain why “good” sleepers sometimes turn “bad” around the 3 or 4 month old mark.

How newborn baby sleeps in the early weeks:

When a newborn falls asleep, she immediately goes into deep sleep (also known as REM sleep, but I will avoid too much technical talk because that’s one reason I made this website, so you won’t have to learn the whole history of sleep if you don’t want to (or can’t stay awake to!)). If you are interested in knowing more about our biological rhythms and how we do sleep in more detail, I highly recommend the book, Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems). Newborns spend a lot of their time in deep sleep, which is why it is hard to wake them up (even to eat!) in those early days.
4 month old sleeps (and sometimes as early as 3 months or as late as 5 months)…

We all go in and out of light and deep sleep. As adults, we might change positions, look at the clock, or reposition our pillow. Up until now, you may have rocked your baby or simply given him a pacifier and he slept for hours without waking up. Well, at 3 or 4 months old, your baby is now sleeping more like an adult. Now when she falls asleep, instead of entering deep sleep, she enters lighter sleep, first. That’s why if you help her fall asleep, then put her down, she is likely to wake up because she isn’t in her deep sleep, yet.
4 month olds enter deep sleep…

Initially in the night, your 4 month old will enter deep sleep relatively quickly, within 30 minutes (this changes as we get older). However, as I said, we all cycle in and out of light and deep sleep. A child’s sleep cycle is about 45-50 minutes. So, your baby will briefly awake 45-50 minutes after she has been asleep. To put that in perspective, if you are holding your baby to sleep, you would need to hold her for at least 30 minutes to make sure she’s in deep sleep and then she might wake up 15 minutes later. Sound familiar? Overall, though, your baby’s deepest sleep is in the early part of the night, so after that first sleep cycle, she might sleep just fine for a few hours. So, you’re golden right? Just hold her for an hour? Nope!
4 month old sleeps the rest of the night…

The technical definition of “sleeping through the night” is 5 hours of continuous sleep (i.e. no feedings) and many babies can/will do this by 2 or 3 months old. The beginning of the night is your baby’s deepest sleep and after the first 5 hours (if not sooner, depending on just how challenging he is), he will cycle between light and deep sleep, but not as deep as the beginning of the night. This is where the problem of sleep associations really come into play. If your baby needs your help to go to sleep in the beginning of the night, sometime after midnight or so, he will continue to need your help every 1 or 2 sleep cycles (that means every 45 to 90 minutes or as I often hear, every 1-2 hours).

Between 4-6 a.m., approximately, is the lightest sleep of the whole night (parents’ complaints alone make this true, in my experience, aside from my reading). In the very early morning hours (about 30 minutes to an hour before waking up), he will again go into the very deep sleep.

Although babies commonly wake up early, be sure it is truly their waking up time and not just this lighter sleep and that they are having trouble sleeping. You might notice they want a “nap” just 30 or so minutes after “waking up”. What you experienced was a night waking, not starting the day.
4 month old sleep regression

You might have heard about the 4 month sleep regression and wonder if your baby will go back to sleeping well. Some parents will be one of the lucky few whose baby will go back to sleeping well in 2-4 weeks, however, not all of us will be that lucky. For example, I find that babies who need a pacifier to sleep where you are replacing it many times per night do not stop needing that pacifier to sleep. You might get lucky and not have to replace it 10 times (maybe “just” 3-4), but maybe not. It is usually better to solve the root of the problem than to hope you are one of the lucky ones. So, maybe wait a few weeks, but if things aren’t better, plan to make changes. I talk to parents of 8 month olds and even 20 months old who are still waiting for their “baby” to grow out of their sleep problems.

There Are Good Men Out There

2010-10-03T14:19:00.001-04:00

Yesterday morning Evan and I walked to Shoppers to pick up a few things we needed. We were greeted at the door by Boy Scouts who were giving away apples and accepting donations for them if you were so kind. I enjoy apples so I happily made a donation and entered the store. Now before being greeted by the apple bearing Boy Scouts I noticed a good looking young man walk into the store ahead me. I’m really bad at guessing people’s age, but I think he was probably around 19… maybe early 20’s. He ended up in front of me in line at the cash and I couldn’t help but notice he was purchasing two boxes of condoms. All of a sudden I felt this smile creep onto my face, I was shining from the inside out, I was so proud of this young man. Not only did he have the good sense to be practicing safe sex, but he had the confidence to purchase JUST condoms. He didn’t throw them in amongst items he didn’t really need like deodorant and toothpaste (like even I do to this day… I know, ridiculous! I do the same thing with Tampons… I’m silly!). I was so impressed by this young man I thought to myself, if I were in front of him in line I would offer to pay for them as a way of rewarding him. Of course then I thought about how that could potentially embarrass him (and make me look crazy). I even considered saying something to him, like, “Hey, way to go!”… Lame Josie, lame! I WILL embarrass Evan, I’m already an uncool mom. Thankfully I had the good sense not to say or do anything. He made it hard though because to top it all off, when he received his change from the cashier he asked if she could break up the bill for him so he could make a donation to the Boy Scouts at the door. That’s when I fell in love… for what he stood for. I thought to myself, this young man gives me hope. Let’s face it, guys get a bad rap a lot of the time, but there are some good ones out there and I hope one day my little guy will grow up to be one of them.

I Made The Paper!

2010-10-02T17:14:00.000-04:00

Check out today's Ottawa Citizen!

Did that just happen?

2010-10-01T07:18:00.001-04:00

This morning I got up to feed Evan at 5am before heading down to my basement to work (I’m working from home right now). When I went in he was rubbing his eyes so I was right on time for a feeding. After giving him his pre-breakfast snack I put him back down for more sleep and came downstairs. That’s when I heard him on the monitor, but he wasn’t crying, he was chatting. He was having a great old time all by himself in the dark, in his crib. I was nervous that the cry for me was coming, but it never did. He talked to himself for about 30 minutes before he talked himself right to sleep. How amazing is that?! I really hope this is the start of something new, it’s a whole other level of self soothing and I couldn’t be more proud of him.

Get. It. Off.

2010-09-29T10:05:00.001-04:00

I am so sick of wearing a bra! Bra, bra, bra, 24/7! I’m starting to feel claustrophobic!

For those of you that don’t know what I’m ranting about; a lot of breastfeeding mothers have to wear a bra around the clock because of leaking issues. Last night I had enough, I needed to feel free so I took off the nursing bra and pranced around the house like a 60’s hippie! When it came time to feed Evan I did it sans bra. Unfortunately by the time his feeding was done my top was also finished. There was a stain the size of a watermelon thanks to the dripping faucet of boob juice.

When I’m done breastfeeding I’m burning my nursing bras and going braless for at least a week! I don’t care that it will be cold out, I’ll wear an extra sweater just to have the comfort of NOT wearing a restricting elastic band around my rib cage!

Other than that things are great! Happy Wednesday!

Break Out The Champagne!

2010-09-27T10:11:00.005-04:00

John and I said months ago that when Evan slept for 8 straight hours we were going to pop a bottle of champagne and celebrate. At the time Evan was actually sleeping well and had already done 7 straight hours, then he entered a different stage and our hopes of ever getting a taste of the bubbly were dashed. Well on Friday night he did it! Out of nowhere Evan slept from 9pm until 5am! He actually went to bed at 7:30pm, but he stirred at 8:30pm and eventually soothed himself back to sleep. Then when he woke up at 5am I fed him and he went back down until 8:30am, so it was even sweeter than just 9pm to 5am. Of course it’s now Monday and he hasn’t done a stretch like that since, but we got to drink that champagne so I’m happy!

I actually really am happy. Evan is such a wonderful little person. He’s got a real personality now and I like it. He’s very curious and he’s a very good listener. He loves to sit and watch people talk. He’s also strong willed, which is my positive spin on his temperament when he’s hungry or overtired. He loves it when I sing to him and he never faults me for my pitch issues. He can’t get enough of the outdoors, if he is having a fussy time a quick trip to the backyard calms him in an instant. He loves when I wash the creases of his neck during bath time, but he’s not a big fan of getting out of the bath… As I get to know him better I fall deeper in love. Somewhere between giving birth to him and this moment right now I became a mother. Of course technically I was a mother from the get go, but I didn’t feel like one. Now I do. I think it’s a combination of confidence and of getting to know my little guy. And with this I have some exciting news, his name finally feels right. It fits, he’s an Evan through and through. My Evan, forever and always.

Here's Evan in his new favourite thing (this week) the Bumbo chair! Thank you again so much Belly Laughs!

Family fun in Almonte...

Play time with his buddy Rory!

More fun, this time with his friend Ashton!

Evan Just Rolled Over!

2010-09-17T09:15:00.004-04:00

My baby boy just rolled over for the first time! Wow! That was amazing! He was so happy afterwards. He rolled from his tummy to his back and when he landed he looked up at me and beamed, as if to say, “Mommy, are you proud?” Of course I picked him up and kissed his little face off and told him I was incredibly proud of him. Then I put him back on his tummy and grabbed the video camera hoping he would do it again so I could capture it for John, but he didn’t have another roll in him.

My goodness, these little creatures are really something to marvel at. I’m in awe.

On a completely different topic I wanted to share with all of you a little something I did for work. I don’t know if any of you are Lady Gaga fans, but recently she posed in a meat bikini for the cover of Vogue Japan and stirred up quite a bit of controversy. Here's the cover...

Well luckily for me my job allows me to do fun things like rock my very own meat bikini! Check it out…

I have to thank Christine from Tripp Photography for taking the shot and doing wonders with photo shop to make my post baby body look pretty darn decent if I do say so myself.

Sorry if I’ve turned any of you off enjoying a juicy steak for a while.

Yesterday I wore a meatkini, this morning my son rolled over for the first time; I wonder what tomorrow will bring. Life is a trip!

Sleep Training

2010-09-14T20:47:00.002-04:00

I’m doing it. According to the book that is guiding me through this process it’s 5 days early, they suggest starting at 4 months and Evan won’t be 4 months until the 19th, but his freak outs have hit an all new level so we’re in training and I hope what we learn works for both of us.

Sunday was the breaking point. John and I had to do the most ridiculous things to get him to sleep for his nap. I’m embarrassed to admit it, but we actually howled. Yes, like wolves, to get him to stop crying. The shhh shhh shhh wasn’t working, the rocking, the bouncing, the swaddle, the soother, nothing would calm him. For some reason the howling was the only thing that made him stop crying. John discovered it... Don’t ask me what made him think of trying it. I was reluctant because a) It sounds ridiculous and b) I don’t want to teach Evan that howling is okay. That being said I was on my last nerve Sunday trying to get him down so I tilted my head back and gave him my best wolf howl. I don’t know if he sensed my reluctance, but it didn’t work. I eventually had to call in John, the “big dog” to do the job. I thought to myself, I just howled at my baby… I have hit rock bottom, time to start sleep training.

Obsessed

2010-09-08T13:54:00.000-04:00

I think all new moms are obsessed with sleep. Today is my second day back to work, and I am trying to convince myself that I really don’t need much sleep to function or be happy. As the saying goes, I’ll sleep when I’m dead. Now if only that’s how I really felt.

Before Evan I could barely remember what I had for breakfast by the time dinner rolled around. Now I remember (obsess) about every detail of our day, mainly his sleep schedule. I know that Monday night Evan slept from 9:30pm to 2:30am, then woke up for a half an hour feed and went back down until 6:20am. He ate for 7 minutes and then went back down until 9:30am which made my first day back at work easy peasy. I felt rested and I was able to do my on air thing without the sounds of a baby in the background. Last night Evan was not so cooperative. First of all he fought going to sleep yesterday. He fought it hard. This kid has found his voice, you would not believe the octave’s he can hit. I always thought working in radio (and wearing headphones) would cause premature deafness… now I’m thinking Evan will do that for me. When I finally got him down last night, closer to 10pm, I read my book and crashed around 11pm. Through the night Ev was up at 1:20am, then again at 3:30am and then just after 5am. As I heard him cry for me from his crib the word “why?” floated around my head. I’m better off just telling myself it’s unexplainable and convincing myself that sleep is overrated. Errrrr, but then the “why?” creeps back into my head. I want to know why he’s crying so hard when I try to put him down. I want to know why he’s waking up so much. I want to know if it’s something I’m doing and what I can do differently. I want to know that he’s okay and not… oh… possessed by some demon.

Gotchya!

2010-09-03T16:21:00.000-04:00

It was just a couple of weeks ago that I wrote about making it to the wonderful 3 month mark and how everything was getting easier and Evan was getting more predictable… Well he must have read that post because he is playing a wild game of “Gotchya” this week!

For some reason my little guy has been abnormally fussy and sleep? Ha! He’s fighting it like it’s the devil! Actually today seems to be a bit better, but Tuesday, Wednesday… yesterday, he was not acting like himself. He nearly had me in tears a few times. The things that would usually occupy him (like his Baby Einstein Play Mat) weren’t doing the trick, he wanted to be held and getting him down for his naps and bedtime sleep took every bit of strength in me. He would cry his purple faced, bloody murder cry and wiggle his body like a squirmy worm. Just when I thought he was sleeping and it was safe to put him down his eyes would pop open and he would start balling again. As I paced back and forth with him I thought about what an awful parent I was. I was nervous he was going to get used to being cradled to sleep. I had this overwhelming sense of failure.

In my need to seek help I reluctantly picked up a book that one of John’s clients gave us. I threw my books to the side over a month ago because they were stressing me out, but now the stress was bringing me back to them. Thankfully this book is for me! It’s called The Sleep Easy Solution by Jennifer Waldburger and Jill Spivack. I started reading it and those feelings of failure dissipated. They didn’t tell me I was a bad mom for allowing Evan to fall asleep in my arms before putting him down, in fact they say in their book that before four months do whatever works! On page 130 they write, “There are no bad habits in the first 4 months. Do whatever you need to do to help your baby sleep.” THANK YOU! Maybe today is a better day because I read that yesterday. Reading that made me relax and stop fretting, so Evan is probably feeding off my new and improved energy.

I hope you all have a wonderful long weekend; I know I will, no matter what!

Back To Work Jitters

2010-09-01T09:51:00.005-04:00

As the kids are getting ready to head back to school this girl is getting ready to head back to work. I can hardly believe it, the last three months have gone by at lightning speed.

For those of you that don’t know I work for a radio station called The New Hot 89-9. Now I’m not actually heading back into the studio, I’ll be working from home for the next two months; it’s a way for me to ease back into the working world. I’m very grateful that my job allows me to take these baby steps. Just the same I am a bit nervous. I’m nervous that I’m going to be losing prime sleeping time should Evan have a rough night, I’m nervous that he won’t cooperate and will cry while I’m on the air. I’m nervous that it means I’m one step closer to actually leaving my baby and physically going into work.

As one friend pointed out to me yesterday I am going to be eternally torn now, missing Evan while I’m at work and thinking about work while I’m with Evan. I’ve had moments of doubt about heading back before the year that I could take to be with my little guy, after all you only get one chance at this, but I love my job, I really love it and it’s a big part of who I am so I’m going to try my best to make it happen, and hopefully I won’t feel all that torn… Maybe I’ll even feel better?! Like my life is even richer with wonderful moments, people, experiences… we’ll see.

Here are some fun pics from our last few days of summer (that sounds so sad).

Evan's first boat ride...

Cottage living is so good...

Try, Try Again

2010-08-28T10:00:00.001-04:00

What I’ve learned this week is not to give up on toys… or yourself.

We really haven’t used Evan’s swinging chair that much because he would just cry when we put him in it, but yesterday afternoon he was fussy for no explainable reason so John suggested we try the chair. I looked at him like it was a ridiculous idea because we both knew he would just cry more once we put him in it, but I humoured him. Lo and behold it worked, I mean it really worked! He sat in that thing as content as could be for half an hour. It allowed me to fold two loads of laundry and tidy the house while John prepared our dinner. So know that if your baby doesn’t like a toy one week he might like it the next and it could allow you some YOU time.

Speaking of YOU or in this case ME time, I went for a bike ride yesterday all by myself and it was awesome! It was tough, it definitely made me realize how out of shape I am, but I still really enjoyed it. I started biking again just two years ago. Before that I hadn’t really biked since I was a kid and it’s amazing, the feeling of cruising on two wheels with the wind in your face. It’s so fun! When I got home I went straight to the backyard and did a small ab workout and some yoga. Today I feel beat up! Ha! It’s a good feeling though, I know my body is repairing itself from the first real (challenging) physical activity I’ve done since Evan was born.

Every day is a new adventure when you become a parent. Your child learns new things and impresses you with how they’ve changed even from the day before, and you impress yourself because it ain’t easy to be a mom and to still make time for you, you have to try and try again.

Just Like That!

2010-08-26T12:48:00.006-04:00

In the last three months many moms have told me that once I make it to the three month mark things will start to get better… easier and wouldn’t you know it, they were right!

On Monday I was chatting with my mom telling her all about our busy weekend (filled with visits, shopping, hosting) and she said to me, “Josie, you’re getting your life back.” It’s true, at three months I seem to have found my groove. Evan is more predictable so I’m less anxious about how each day is going to go and I feel so much better, almost like my old self. Take yesterday for example, I met up with a friend down by the canal and we did a strollercise class together which was too much fun. Then we went to Starbucks for a latte and a treat. When Evan and I got home John was on his lunch so we all hung out for a bit. Then Evan went off to bed and I baked a banana bunt cake with orange icing. Seriously! The last time I attempted baking I burnt myself and all I had to show for it were some rock hard cookies (that was over 7 years ago!!!). Thankfully I seem to be much more capable in the kitchen these days and my dessert turned out perfectly! Not only did it turn out, but I had fun making it! Let’s see, what did I do then, oh yes, I showered and got ready for my night out. My best girlfriends and I planned a picnic by the canal (hence the dessert), since it rained yesterday we all met at my girlfriends apartment downtown instead which was lovely. I was so happy to be with my girls. The last time we got together like that was before I was pregnant, so needless to say it was long overdue and it reminded me of how much I love my friendmily and how they can make me laugh like no one else! I felt like my old self yesterday and today too! It probably helps that Evan has been sleeping so well the last couple of nights… that always makes everything better. Here’s to the three month mark!

Play date with his buddy Preston...

The cake that cost me $70 to make! (I had to buy a bunt pan and a mixer... ha! It was well worth it.)

You can make it yourself, just follow these easy instructions (Thank you Trudy!):

Banana Bunt Cake with Orange Icing

Cake:
1/4 cup soft marg or butter
3/4 cup white sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla
1 cup mashed ripe bananas (3)
1 tsp grated orange rind
2 cups flour
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 cup buttermilk or sour milk*

Orange Icing:
1 and 1/2 cups icing sugar
2 TBSP yogurt
1 tsp grated orange rind
1 tsp orange juice

Cake: In bowl cream butter add sugar and beat well. Add eggs and beat well. Beat in vanilla, bananas and orange rind. Mix together flour, baking powder and baking soda and beat into egg mixture and add buttermilk*. Spray Pam into a 9 inch springfoam or square pan and spoon in batter. Bake at 350 for 40 minutes. Let cool at least 10 minutes and remove from pan.

Icing: In bowl combine icing sugar, yogurt, orange rind and orange juice and mix until smooth. Spread over cake and enjoy!

*To make sour milk, add 2 tsp lemon juice or vinegar to 1/2 cup milk and let stand for 10 minutes.

Travelling With A Baby

2010-08-19T11:53:00.001-04:00

Last weekend John and I went to visit his family in Toronto. We left on Thursday and didn’t return home until Monday. That’s one, two, three, FOUR sleeps away from home sweet home. It was hard for me. We had a lovely visit, don’t get me wrong, and John’s family was wonderful and so excited to have Evan there, but it was tough on me and tough on Evan too (I think). For example, he was in the car a lot, which he hates! On the way there he cried about every 45 minutes. Sometimes we would pull over, but we couldn’t do that every time, so we dealt with his purple faced bloody murder scream as best we could. Once we were in Toronto we were driving a lot also, we had a lot of visits to pack in so there wasn’t much choice. I tried to keep his naps as regular as possible, but it wasn’t easy and he was up three, sometimes four times through the night.

When I first had Evan people told me, “Oh you’re going to love having a newborn, they’re so easy to go places with”… ahhhhh, ya right! Sure you don’t need to worry about food (if your breastfeeding), but there’s the diaper bag plus back up diapers, there’s several outfits (because puking is now a guarantee), there’s the spit blankets, the stroller, the Bjorn, the crib, the monitor. Now true, our little bambinos don’t need all the mentioned bells and whistles, but… well I need them okay?! Now I’m asking myself, am I an uptight mother? Truthfully, I rather not go anywhere these days and when I do I need my… ehem, Evan’s stuff to make sure I’m prepared the same way I would be if we were home.

On Monday morning we left Toronto at 6am. That was the right thing to do because Evan slept for 2 hours, got up, ate, and then went back down for the last 2 hours of the drive. I wasn’t sure what it was going to be like when he got home, but he eased right back into our home life routine. On Monday night he slept for 5 hours, got up for an hour feed, then went back down for four! Same thing the next night! Oh and this kid is rocking his naps too! It’s so nice.

I want to be that mom that can travel with my baby like it’s no big deal, but I’m not. I’m sorry, I’m just not. I like the comforts of our home and our routine here. I never thought I’d be a homebody, but for now I am. For now…

He's a Big Boy!

2010-08-06T11:08:00.007-04:00

On Monday evening I put Evan down in his own room is his big boy crib and walked down the hall to my room to sleep for the night. I sat on my bed, looked at his empty basinet and had a moment. Our little boy is growing up so fast. He’ll never sleep in his basinet again, I won’t go as far to say that he’ll never sleep in our room again because I know the boogie man will scare him in there more than a few times, but right now I’m a bit emotional over this latest milestone. What’s making it easier is that he seems to really like his crib; he’s had a great week! He’s been sleeping 5 to 6 hours, getting up for a big hour long feed, and then going back down for another 5 to 6 hours. This has been pure bliss for me! I feel wonderful! I know however that his schedule could change again at any time so I’m just doing my best to enjoy it while it lasts.

Having him sleep in his own room certainly has its perks. John and I don’t have to tip toe around anymore for fear of waking him and I think he’s getting more independent. For example, this morning he was talking to himself for a good 10 minutes before he actually started fussing for me to come and get him. Speaking of which, getting him from his crib has become one of my favourite parts of the day. Even if he is squealing, once I enter the room and unwrap him from his swaddle he’s all smiles and giggles. I let him stretch and kick around before I pick him up and he just loves it. He really is the joy in my day.

Yes, things are very good around here right now which is quite the contrast from last week when I had another mini meltdown. Let’s see, what was I freaking out about? I was stressed over my nipple issues, contemplating using formula to give my boobs a break once or twice a day, worried about him getting his 2 month vaccine shot, but most of all, stressing myself out over his “schedule”. Since then I have thrown all books aside and have taken to simply reading my baby as best I can. I’ve stopped waking him up from his day time naps after an hour and a half and in fact the day I stopped doing that he had one of his best night sleeps yet. I’ve decided at two and a half months I’m not going to lose (any more) hair over scheduling, there’s plenty of time for that in the coming months.

We all just do the best we can and sometimes books and advice can be overwhelming, at least that’s what I’ve found. So for now I’m just trying to relax and enjoy my baby while he is a baby because before I know it he’ll be out of his crib and into a real bed!

Evan with my brother and his girlfriend...

Evan loves his bath time!!!

More QT with uncle Jake...

Swimming in the ocean, chatting with the octopus...

Impressing us with his new trick... SITTING!

What's Next?

2010-07-27T18:31:00.004-04:00

Please, take my jewelry, my designer sunglasses, just leave me my hair!

We women go through a lot to bring these beautiful babies into the world. There’s the nausea, swelling, and general aches and pains while you’re pregnant, then when the little nuggets arrive there’s the sleep deprivation, cracked nipples and for some, BALDING. Yes my friends I’ve discovered that I have a bald spot. Now most women that I know care a great deal about their hair. They spend good money to get it styled or coloured, they buy product to keep it healthy and shiny, and they put in time every morning to make sure their hair is looking good when they leave the house because if the hair is bad, it doesn’t matter if the outfit is great… hair is a true extension of our femininity… at least that’s how I feel. When I discovered the bald spot I honestly was in denial. I pretended like it wasn’t really there or maybe a part of me believed if I didn’t look at it again until the next day hair would magically reappear overnight. No such luck.

Last Thursday John watched Evan so that I could go to the spa and get my hair done. I was counting down the days as I hadn’t highlighted or cut my hair in so long! Of course my stylist noticed the bald spot. Sweet thing didn’t say anything until I mentioned it… Then she assured me it would grow back, although I could see the doubt in her eyes. She told me she had seen new mom’s who had thinning, but none with an actual bald spot. Great! Oh and of course it couldn’t be at the back of my head where no one would ever see it, nope its right in the front. Normally if I wear my hair down I part it in the middle, not anymore. I’ll be rocking the side part for the foreseeable future. I’ve already decided if I don’t see growth on the ol’ bald patch in the next month I’m going for a hair transplant consultation. Below is the photographic proof. If you see me in the grocery store please pretend like I didn’t share this with you.

There it is...

The side part, my new best friend...

If I Do Say So Myself...

2010-07-21T15:16:00.004-04:00

I think John and I made one hell of a cute baby!

Here are a couple of pics from our shoot with Christine Tripp.

Who Do You Trust?

2010-07-19T12:54:00.007-04:00

Friday was a busy day and also a very confusing day. It started with our photo shoot at Tripp Photography. Evan was really good… he wouldn’t sleep for us so we didn’t get any of those “peaceful sleeping baby” shots, but I think I’ve snapped enough of those on my own. Ha! I can’t wait to see Christine work her magic!

After the shoot we went to Westboro for the lactation drop-in class. Thankfully we got there early so the consultant saw us first. They work on a first come first serve basis so if you get there late you could be waiting a while. The consultant was really sweet and immediately identified the problem. Apparently my milk lets down very quickly so in an effort to keep himself from choking Evan has been pulling off my nipple and pinching it. Ahhhhhh… makes sense! The consultant told me to start feeding in a lying down position with Evan on top of me so that gravity helps reduce the speed of the milk flow into his mouth, then as the feed goes on I can gradually move my body into a seated position. Brilliant! Now she also said that my nipple woes probably have nothing to do with yeast (aka Thrush) and that this new method of feeding should help. She did however suggest an ointment for my nipples to help along in the healing. It’s a cream that Dr. Newman (a well known Toronto based pediatrician) created to help mothers like me. Only thing is you need a prescription for it, so when we left the class I got on the phone to my doctor. Unfortunately he was away on holidays and Evan’s pediatrician’s office was closed. I really couldn’t imagine going another day with the nipple pain I was experiencing so I went to an Apple Tree Medical Centre. Thankfully I got in right away. I told the doctor what I wanted a prescription for, but he wanted to take a look at my nipples first. I barely had my bra off before he concluded that it was yeast. Then I told him I treated Evan and myself for Thrush a month ago. He asked what we used and I told him Gentian Violet. He told me he would never prescribe that because it’s been proven to cause cancer. WHAT?! He told me to never use it again and wrote up two prescriptions (neither which were for Dr. Newman’s cream); one that I have to give Evan orally and one that I have to apply to my nipple twice a day. So who do you trust? Who do you believe when everyone is telling you something different? Being at my wits end I decided to go with the advice of the last doctor. I went straight to the pharmacy and we’ve been on the medication since then. My nipples are getting a bit better. I hate giving Evan medication so early on (especially since he doesn’t have clear symptoms of Thrush), but the doctor told me we have to be treated at the same time or it’s pointless.

Thankfully that very busy and confusing day was followed by a wonderful date with my honey! Yes, my mom and dad came in to watch Evan and John and I enjoyed a delicious dinner and WINE (Wahoo!) in Little Italy followed by gelato in the Glebe. It was our first official date night since we’ve had Evan and it was really fantastic. We decided it’s something we should do at least once a month because you really don’t realize until you’re alone together how long it’s been since you’ve truly connected.

So all in all it was a great weekend and now this Monday, despite the rain, is proving to be pretty darn good too! Here are some recent pics of our 12 pound 2 ounce beautiful baby boy (we weighed him at the drop-in class… can you believe he’s over 12 pounds?!).

Evan with his Nana Jean (John's mom) during her visit last weekend...

My cousin (aka "Big Evan") with my baby (aka "Little Evan")...

Evan with his proud Grandpa (my dad) at his retirement party...

Even though this one is blurry I just had to post it...

Here's our little old man hanging out at my girlfriend's cottage (thanks for the hat Melis!)...

Not So Much...

2010-07-15T21:41:00.002-04:00

Okay, maybe it’s not all good here… I mean Evan is good, mommy is not. Last night I broke down when my nipple split in half. I’ve been dealing with nipple pain for a while now. For some reason I still haven’t gone to a lactation consultant. Like I said in a previous post when I was complaining about nipple pain, I apparently like to hurt. Well that was the old me, this girl doesn’t want to hurt any more. Last night at our 3am feed I pulled my nipple from Evan’s mouth to discover it was completely split. No wonder it was killing me. I called the Ottawa Public Health number today and spoke to a nurse. She said from the way I described the pain (shooting pain throughout my nipple and breast and a burning sensation, along with cracking/splitting) that it sounded like thrush. I told her we had already dealt with thrush, but we only did a 3 day cycle of the Gentian Violet which she said was not enough. She also said Evan does not have to have the white spots in his mouth for me to be suffering from it so purple mouth is about to make a return. I’m really not looking forward to dealing with this purple dye for the next 7 days, but I realize now that I have to get a hold of this thing because it’s ruining my life. Melodramatic? Why yes, I am.

I know what you’re thinking, yesterday I was saying that everything was great and now I’m saying that my nipples are ruining my life, well welcome to the early days of motherhood; one moment things are great, the next you're balling your eyes out.

So tomorrow is a big day! At 11am we’re going to get professional photos taken of Evan at Christine Tripp’s new studio in the Glebe (needless to say I won’t be applying the Gentian Violet until later tomorrow afternoon), then off to Westboro for a lactation class. I’m hoping we have a better night tonight than last night because big days are tough on little sleep.

All Good Here

2010-07-13T21:23:00.007-04:00

Evan is such a good baby… I’ll tell you just how good he is. For the last week Evan has slept anywhere between 4 and 7 hours IN A ROW at night. Awesome!

The other thing that makes Evan such a good baby is that he is a good traveller. We discovered this last weekend when we drove to St. Catharines, Ontario (6 hours from here) and back. John was the best man in his friends wedding so he flew to Toronto on Thursday morning. That night Evan and I stayed with my parents at their place. Early the next day, my mom, dad, and I loaded up the van with my dad’s bike gear and Evan’s bare essentials (which took up most of the available space). It worked out nicely that Evan and I could hitch a ride with my folks as my dad was starting a bicycle tour from Niagara on the Lake the very same weekend.

On the way there we left early. We stopped every two hours for a feed and a diaper change and Evan slept in between. Glorious! My dad took off for his bike tour on Saturday morning. My mom stayed with us so that she could look after Evan when I went to the wedding reception. It was so wonderful to get away for a few hours and know that Evan was in the very capable, caring hands of my mother. I was able to enjoy a delicious meal, a bit of wine, some great adult chat, heck I even hit the dance floor! I was home by 11 and didn’t mind one bit. I had the perfect night and got to come home to my perfect baby boy.

The way back home was a bit different, but still good. We left a bit later in the morning and stopped to visit my dear friend Kim, her husband Peter and their new bundle of joy, Rory James Shaughnessy. Rory was born two and a half weeks early and weighed in at 5 pounds 8 ounces. I have to tell you, I could not believe how small and utterly adorable he was in person. Kim had shared pictures with me, but it wasn’t until I held him that I could truly grasp his size. He was light as a feather… unlike Evan who is almost the size of a 2 year old now.

Then we were off again, Evan didn’t really get fussy until the last hour… it was a bit rough, but who can blame the little guy for wanting to get out of that car seat?! I was a bit squirmy myself.

When we arrived home I was thankful to have our first big road trip behind us. Now that I know it’s possible we might just plan a few more trips this summer!

Evan's first wedding!

Rory hanging out on my mom's lap...

Can you believe there are only 6 weeks between them?!

Shopping!

2010-06-29T16:07:00.000-04:00

I am dying to shop! I’ve been saying that when I get my old body back I am going to spend a sweet load of cash on myself and have a brand new wardrobe to show for it. What I found out yesterday is that I am not ready for that Pretty Woman shopping spree… not yet.

My mom generously offered to accompany Evan and me to the mall so I could look for a dress for an upcoming wedding. The first store I went into I started pulling items off the racks like a starved shopaholic. Before I knew it I had 12 items in my hands. Shorts, tops, skirts! Clearly I got off track very quickly as I only had one dress to try on. I hit the change room feeling excited, I was on a high. That feeling quickly faded. Even the skinny mirrors couldn’t save me. Everything felt tight and in some outfits you could even see the indent of my scar. Ewwww, how depressing! The dress I grabbed was a disaster, I thought it would be roomy, but it was skin tight. I did end up purchasing a few items, but I still have nothing to wear to the wedding. Apparently those jeans I’m fitting into gave me a false sense of the shape I’m in.

Summer is usually such a fun time for fashion and dressing up, however so far this summer I’ve more or less worn the same three outfits. I go for comfort and functionality over fashion… it’s not so fun, and now that Evan is spitting up (another new thing he started doing just in the last week), I really don’t want to wear my “good” clothes. I know these are small sacrifices, but I’m still keeping a tally. When Evan wants money for the latest whatever, I’ll remind him of the summer his mother had to forgo her designer jeans and colourful hand wash only tops in favour of black, machine washable, stretchy skirts and tanks.

My Ever Changing Evan

2010-06-28T20:10:00.001-04:00

Last week Evan began a new phase; he was sleeping well through the day, had great play times, but then when evening came he started to get fussy. He wouldn’t really cry, he would whine and he would do that until 11pm… midnight… 1am… depending on his energy (not caring how much energy I had). Once he went down for the night though he was good.

Now Evan is sleeping less through the day. He’ll have two naps, one in the late morning and another in the early evening. When he’s not napping we’re either playing (which is the word I use for me talking to him while he stares at me or the sky) or he’s fussing. Yes, my son has spent the last week and a half mastering the art of the whine. It sounds like a cry, but it’s not a cry because there are no tears and he can turn it off in a second. It’s just a little something he does now to keep us on our toes, literally. While Evan is fake crying we’ve got to keep him moving. We go from the football hold to cradling him to putting him in the Baby Bjorn, to putting him on the floor, to rolling him on his tummy, to getting back up with him, to taking him for a walk… he’s only content in any given position for minutes at a time so as I’m sure you can imagine it gets quite exhausting. It was thanks to this new whine turning into a full on crying fit that I finally broke down and tried a soother. I was going to try to not do a soother, but you know what, who cares?! No one asks the Prime Minister of Canada if he (or she) used a soother when they were 6 weeks old… And if they did ask and the Prime Minister said yes, would we have any less respect for them (political views aside)? No! More importantly I suppose, would we have any less respect for their mother? Hell no, she raised the leader of our country! Do you see what I’m saying here people? If a soother brings more peace to my day then I’m using it. Plus, Evan seems to dig it. Happy mom, happy baby… happy baby, happy mom.

Oh, and… (I can’t believe this wasn’t the first thing I wrote about) Evan slept for FIVE STRAIGHT HOURS on Friday night. It was amazing. Since then John and I have been trying to repeat exactly what we did that evening, with no luck. He’s back to 2-3 hour intervals. That’s okay, the five hours of straight sleep gave me an idea of what’s to come. Pretty crazy to think though that before Friday night I hadn’t slept for four, let alone 5 straight hours in over a month!

Evan’s physique is also changing daily. He’s getting so big! His legs are getting chunky and his cheeks, they just keep growing. He’s got little rolls in his neck now, which I find lint in from time to time, and his eyes are getting really blue. Oh, I love him so much. Looking at him yesterday I had a moment. He’s only 6 weeks old, and I was already pining over what he was like in the first week and the fact that he will never be that small again. I started questioning whether or not I was present enough in that first week… whether or not I took enough pictures… it was a good reminder to stop thinking about tomorrow because you can’t get today back.

I'm Hurting...

2010-06-22T19:38:00.006-04:00

Excuse me while I moan… I’m hurting all over. The biggest source of my discomfort right now is my neck and shoulders. It makes sense, but it’s not something I thought about while I was pregnant with Evan. I didn’t realize what a toll breastfeeding would take on my body. Since he was born Evan has kept a very healthy eating schedule. He eats every 2-4 hours, and the whole eating process can take up to one hour, so when you think about it, that is a lot of time I’ve spent over the last 4 weeks looking down. Not that I’m gawking at him the whole time, but obviously I can’t help but look at my little guy as he happily eats. There’s also an issue of posture. I try to keep a good posture while breastfeeding, but it’s hard to get him propped at just the right height and angle so I compensate for that by contorting my own body. As a result I’ve had a few major knots in my lower neck and shoulders. Luckily for me John is a RMT (Registered Massage Therapist). For those mom’s who aren’t as fortunate I highly recommend spending the dough and getting regular massage therapy during your pregnancy, but even more once baby is born! It is well worth the money, trust me.

Also on the subject of breastfeeding, my nipples are sore. They’re more so now since Evan’s been eating closer to every 2 hours, for the past two nights. I’m not sure if it’s normal for my nipples to hurt 4 weeks in. I should probably see a lactation consultant, I don’t know why I haven’t done that yet, apparently I like to hurt. Oh and can we talk about the pain when your latched baby decides to squeeze out a number two all while continuing to suck. OUCH! Evan poops almost every time he feeds and he squirms like a worm while he’s trying to get it out of him. While he’s squirming he’s ripping my nipple in every direction. Eventually I have to rip him off. What I’m left with is something John has called the “torpedo nipple”. If you’ve seen a nipple that has been pulled and pinched you’ll probably agree it’s the perfect name.

Here’s my last moan, all of a sudden my abdomen hurts as much as it did the week after my surgery. I don’t know what I did, but it’s incredibly tender. I’m even finding it hard getting out of bed again and standing from a seated position. What’s up with that?! They weren’t kidding when they said it would take 6 weeks to heal. Like most women, and certainly like most mothers, I don’t think I’ve been resting as much as I should be considering I underwent major surgery. I’ll try to put my feet up a little more over the next couple of weeks and see if that helps. (I know right now I won’t do this…)

Okay, that’s enough moaning and groaning for today. Evan is starting to stir, he must be hungry. Hit the trenches, here comes a torpedo!

Random pics for your viewing pleasure...

Evan with his "I [heart] Dad" muscle shirt on...

Tummy time...

Big Day!

2010-06-16T19:44:00.002-04:00

Yesterday was a very big day! It started with a delicious breakfast cooked by my lovely man. We had fried egg sandwiches on toasted croissants with cheese, tomato, lettuce and avocado… my favourite! I love croissants… how they melt in your mouth like pure butter. Mmmmmm! So that was my start, then I decided to take Evan on an outing to one of my favourite neighbourhoods; Westboro. For the occasion I thought I would take a stab at trying on a pre-pregnancy pair of jeans. I went to the very back of my closet, where I hid my “hot jeans” while I was pregnant and grabbed a pair that were roomy on me before I got pregnant. I held my breath and put them on and tada! They fit!!! Let me tell you I did a happy dance that would make Ellen proud! I ran down the stairs and paraded in front of John and stuck my butt out and asked him how good I looked. Naturally he told me I looked great, smart man. Wearing pants without an elastic band for the first time in about 6 months felt amazing! Now the jeans did rub up against the exit wound (aka my c-section scar) a bit which wasn’t incredibly comfortable, but the confidence I felt wearing the jeans was worth the slight discomfort.

Evan was already drunk on boob juice so I put him in the car seat and away we went. It was a beautiful sunny day and it felt so good to be out and about. We stopped at a couple of shops and picked up some essentials, I needed a couple more nursing bras, and I got Evan some wipes, a few cute little outfits for the summer, oh and sheets for his crib (which we’ll eventually assemble and put in the nursery). We cruised around for a bit and then I got hungry again so we stopped for lunch together. He was so great, he slept the entire time! He received many compliments about what a handsome baby he was from polite strangers so needless to say I was walking with my chest out. Literally I was, I caught myself in the reflection of a store window as I walked by and my chest was huge! God, I love myself with milk filled breasts! Ha ha ha! Evan was so good he even allowed me to peruse about a gallery. Almost two hours later I figured it was time to make our way back to the burbs. Evan woke up the minute I brought him into the house… good timing! What a perfect day!

I’m finally starting to feel like this new life is normal and that feels so good.

Cabin Fever

2010-06-11T19:03:00.010-04:00

I think I have a bout of cabin fever. The hours easily become days and the days easily become weeks and before I know it 7 days have gone by and I’ve left the house maybe three times and none of those times have been on my own, meaning it’s either me and Evan or me and John and Evan.

Yesterday when John got home he told me to get out of the house. I topped up Evan with booby juice and made a B line for the front door. I felt like that lady from the Ikea commercial, you know the one where she yells “Start the car! Start the car!” I didn’t really do much, I went to Shoppers, then to the grocery store where I got some flowers for myself. Then I made my first trip to the LCBO without my baby bump! I picked up some beer for John, he didn’t ask me to, I think I just wanted to be amidst the liquor. Going there without my baby bump made me feel like my old self. Ha! Like I belonged once again in the LCBO. I know… ridiculous. (Check out this previous post entitled Beer Run.) By the time I got back to the house I was totally rejuvenated. The little outing made me realize how important it is to get me time. A shower is one thing, getting out of the house for an hour by myself is quite another. If felt great!

I think for me, having my independence threatened has caused the bulk of my sadness (that and sleep depravation). At these times of sadness I feel like Evan is attached to me (literally) and I feel trapped. I say that, but then on the flip side, if Evan has a nice long 3 hour nap I find myself anxiously waiting for him to wake up because I can’t wait to have him in my arms, to smell him and kiss him and see his bright eyes. I’m up, then I’m down… up, then down… hold on tight, motherhood is a wild ride!

Good news on the tear duct front, it seems to already be clearing up. Thank goodness. Also the Gentian Violet seems to be working at fighting the thrush and making John and I laugh. Evan has been nicknamed “purple mouth”. Gentian Violet is purple and it makes everything it touches purple too, including Evan’s mouth, his hands (if/when he gets them near his mouth), his clothes, my nipples (which are meant to also be purple as you have to treat your nipples the same time as your babies mouth so you don’t pass the thrush back and forth). Who cares though right? If it’s not purple dye its pee or poop. I’m immune.

Also, I have to say I just read through all the comments from my last two posts and you’re all so fantastic. Thank you for your words of encouragement and for the great advice. I’m so proud to be part of this wonderful sisterhood.

Here are some pictures, you’ll see it’s quite obvious that Evan is a good eater. Can you believe how he’s filled out?!

Sucking on dad's finger...

Sticking his tongue out at oma...

Hangin' out with dad. Sometimes this is the only way anyone gets sleep around here...

This peaceful moment brought to you by boob juice...

The nerve! I'm feeding him and he's giving me the finger!

Purple mouth...

Proud mom of purple mouth...

Mom Stuff

2010-06-08T20:31:00.001-04:00

Mom Stuff

It’s hard to believe I’ve only written twice since Evan was born. That’s twice in three weeks tomorrow. I guess I haven’t been great at managing my time. I’ve really just been rolling with the punches and letting Evan make all the calls, which is what feels right for now. Only problem with that is I really do miss writing and the interaction I have with you wonderful people who read this blog.

So here’s my update! Things are still going well! We have our rough times, but overall Evan is a wonderful baby and I’m getting the hang of this mom thing. He’s growing quickly and getting cuter by the hour (of course).

As far as my sleeping goes, well, last night was a really good night. The night before… not so much. Evan was fussy from 10pm to 2am. I cried once and nearly gave up and woke up John to help out. He would have happily come to my rescue, but he had to be up at 6am to work so I was trying really hard to do it on my own. Eventually I got him to sleep, but then he woke up every hour and half through the night. The next day he was up from 10am until 3pm. He eventually fell asleep on my chest and I couldn’t move him or he would wake up. I managed to let him sleep that way for a couple of hours. Most days are somewhat predictable, but that 20 hours came out of nowhere. It was TOUGH!
Thankfully by 8pm last night he straightened himself out and has been happy as a clam ever since.

Yes, I’ve had a few mini breakdowns, like last Friday when I thought Evan had an eye infection (in both eyes). I took him to the doctors and it turns out he has blocked tear ducts. There’s nothing you can do to treat it but massage the ducts and wipe his eyes as much as you need to. This makes me sad. It’s hard looking at him when he’s got constant gunk coming out of his eyes, my heart hurts for my little guy. And now he has thrush. Another common thing in babies says my doctor (who I went back to see today) and it’s easy enough to get rid of if you can find the remedy (Gentian Violet) at a pharmacy because they don’t all carry it. Yes, I’ve been to the doctor twice in the last 5 days. I feel kind of crazy admitting it, but this is all new to me and I don’t want to diagnose my son’s ailments, I’ll leave that to the professionals so that he gets treated properly.

So there you have it, my life right now in three paragraphs. G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S it may not be, but I’m still loving it!

My New Reality

2010-05-31T16:41:00.004-04:00

I’ve been a mother for 12 days now and I have to say things are going really well. Evan is a beautiful baby. He tells us when he needs something, whether it be food, or a diaper change, or just to be held close. Today is an especially good day because he slept so well last night. Before last night… well let’s just say we were calling him “teen wolf” because as soon as the sun went down his eyes popped open and he would start to howl. I’m not kidding myself, I know the teen wolf could be back tonight, we’ll just wait and see.

John and I still look at each other every once in a while in disbelief. We can’t believe we created this little human being, and we can’t believe this is our new reality. I still personally have moments of panic when I realize this is permanent. Evan isn’t just visiting us to test our patience and love, Evan is part of our family now and will be until the very end. It’s quite the adjustment to go from a family of two where you have all the freedom in the world to do whatever, whenever to having your world ruled by a mini-person you can carry in one hand.

As far as being at home I’ve actually really enjoyed it. I think about work, but I know everyone there is surviving without me (somehow… ha ha ha!). I still feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day for everything I want to do around here, but once again, I’m not the one in charge. When my daily to-do list gets interrupted by my stirring baby I have to say to myself that it’s okay if the clean laundry doesn’t get put away for another day and that it’s not the end of the world if there is a pile of mail I haven’t sorted through yet.

I’ll end this post with some more pictures. I am definitely more camera happy than I ever have been, but these gems are care of my dear friend Melissa.

Where Do I Begin?

2010-05-24T15:49:00.017-04:00

Where Do I Begin?

Wednesday, May 19th was one of the best, most amazing, most shocking days of my life. At 9:24am my son was born by c-section. In the days leading up to the 19th I was filled with nerves, the worst nerves I had experienced throughout my entire pregnancy. I wasn’t so nervous about the c-section, I was more nervous about what came after the operation. I was nervous that I was going to be responsible for another human life. A life that I knew I would love more than my own. That’s more reasonability than I’ve ever had obviously, and while I was experiencing those nerves, quite frankly, I was doubting I even wanted it.

Then by some miracle as John and I were driving to the hospital at 5:30am I was completely calm. Serenity took over me and as hokey as it sounds I truly believe my guardian angels were with me. I felt that good… only a higher power of some kind could have made me so serene the morning of the birth of my first born.

Once we got to the hospital there was poking and prodding. I got my IV in, blood work was done, and the nursing team as well as the two doctors who were going to cut me open and the anesthesiologist all came in to introduce themselves to John and me. They were all so lovely, I felt like I was in good hands.

At about ten to nine it was time to head to the operating room. John was given scrubs and was asked to wait until I was frozen and ready to go. I walked into the operating room with the nurse and I’ve got to tell you, it was just like in the movies. All very sterile and white, with those horrendous, unflattering lights! Still, I felt totally calm. They put the needle in my back and within moments I couldn’t feel the lower half of my body, from about mid-chest down. It was such a bizarre sensation. Once I was prepped and ready to go they brought John in. He sat by my head and stroked my face and looked into my eyes and told me he loved me.

Minutes later John peered over the curtain that was separating my head from the action going on below and said he could see the baby. I squeezed his hand. It didn’t seem real. Then next thing you know the doctor was handing our baby off to the nurse who took him across the room. There was silence for a moment, but no one seemed to be worried so I stayed calm. Then came the cry. Then came my cry. John got up and went over to him. They cleaned him up, wrapped him and put him in John’s arms. He brought him over to me and I stared in awe.

Now I have to mention that throughout the short surgery I was truly put at ease by the doctor’s banter. It was just like Grey’s Anatomy. They were talking about restaurants they had been to, and about different doctors they had worked with. I kept half listening for them to drop a swear word or something as a sign that something, anything was wrong, but they never did. In fact it was quite the opposite. Before the surgery the anesthesiologist was complementing me on my bony spine saying it was perfect to put a needle into and at the end of my surgery Dr. Vincent told me I have “juicy ovaries”. Yep, that is the exact quote from the good doctor. Apparently from beginning to end it was a text book c-section.

Once I was stapled they wheeled me into recovery and that’s when I got to hold my son for the first time. It was strange and wonderful. It still didn’t feel real, but it felt right. I was in recovery for a couple of hours as the numbing wore off. At one point I felt very nauseous, but it passed. Then they put the baby in my arms and took me down the long hospital hallway to my room. It was honestly such a long hallway, and we were being wheeled by all sorts of people. I felt like I was in some kind of parade, problem was, for once in my life I didn’t feel like being the center of anyone’s attention. It was such a vulnerable and special time, it felt weird to see so many strangers in that moment. I was relieved when we got to our room, just the three of us.

The next few days in the hospital were tough. In the first couple of days I said to myself, ‘nobody told me it would be so hard’. Actually I was trying to fool even myself and use words like “challenging”, but truth be told it was hard. Breastfeeding is hard. It’s frustrating, and stressful, and worrisome. Dealing with the pain of a c-section is also very hard and frustrating and tiring. And then there are the hormones which made me cry for all sorts of reasons. Thankfully the incredible nursing staff got us through those first days. They helped me to get our little guy to latch. They shared tricks of the breastfeeding trade. They showed us how to bathe him. They talked to me about everything I was going to feel before I felt it, they kept me hydrated, and they answered all the questions we posed to them. I can’t imagine a better care team. We are so fortunate in this country to have access to that.

On Friday the source of my worry and tears was the name. We still hadn’t named our little guy and we were being discharged the next day. Now legally you have up to 30 days to name your child, but obviously John and I didn’t want to wait that long. John giggled at me when I said to him through tears, “he deserves a name”, admitingly a funny thing to say, but I was very serious at the time. Here was my roadblock; the name we both agreed upon is also the name of my cousin and I wanted to talk to him first and get his blessing before I really felt comfortable with it. I got a hold of him Saturday morning and of course he was incredibly sweet and flattered and gave us his blessing. That’s when our “little guy” became Evan Fenech.

It’s Monday now and we’ve been home since Saturday. Since getting home all has seemed right in the world. Evan is eating well, pooping really well and peeing well. He comes alive at night and sleeps through the day, but John and I are still managing to get our sleep when we can.

I am really in love with him, something which did take a couple of days. It’s hard to explain, but some of you might relate. I loved him before he even came into this world of course, but I didn’t really connect with him during the first couple of days in the hospital. I think I was too shell shocked. It was difficult seeing John fall so hard and so fast. I was perhaps even dealing selfishly with the realization that I had just become second fiddle to Evan in my partner’s eyes. I feel much better now. There is more love in this family than I could ever ask for; plenty to go around!

Before I take off I figure I should probably share my first funny poo story with you. It happened yesterday. I was nursing Evan in my bra and underwear in bed. John came up to check on us and was there to witness Evan’s explosive fart which happened to be linked to explosive poop… out the side of his diaper. Problem was he was feeding as he was pooping and I’ll be damned if I was going to unlatch him. When he was done with the right breast I could tell he still wanted more. I transferred him to the left breast and that’s when he dropped the second bomb. This time it went all over the pillow, the blanket I had wrapped his diaper with to protect me from the first explosion and all over my underwear. I was determined not to let the mess interfere with his feeding so I kept at it. When he was done I very carefully removed myself from the bed and changed him. Like every good mother I took care of myself last. I didn’t realize that would entail walking around with poop on me, but now I know.

Dancing with the IV...

John, ready to rock!

Our first family photo...

Me and my baby...

Evan and his very proud, very handsome father...

The cuteness that is Evan Fenech...

First car ride!

Home sweet home!

Guess who took this shot?

Resting peacefully...

So Excited!

2010-05-13T09:03:00.000-04:00

May 13th, 2010

As I type this I have butterflies in my stomach. I am so excited for this baby to arrive!

Tomorrow is my last day at work! Unbelievable!

John is equally excited! We can’t believe how quickly this pregnancy has gone. We can’t believe we’re going to be holding our child in our arms so soon… We can’t believe we’re going to be parents. We can’t believe we’re starting an entirely new chapter in our lives. Of course it’s the unknowns in our future that make me nervous as well as excited. What will our baby’s temperament be like? Will I be able to breastfeed okay? Will we adjust to the lack of sleep? Oh, and the big question… What are we going to name him?! That’s right, we still don’t have a name. During yoga last night I meditated, asking for a name to come to me. I’ve asked my grandmother, Bertie and my Opa who have both passed to send me a sign. It will come to us… It WILL come to us.

On the physical front I’m feeling pretty good this week. My joints are starting to ache a bit and my ring is starting to get tight on my finger, oh and you already know that I’m waddling… Other than that I’m pretty good. I’m sleeping well so that’s a great thing.

Now I just have to remind myself to take it moment by moment, day by day and not get ahead of myself (which is hard for me). That will be my mantra when the little guy arrives as well. Moment by moment, and soak it all in!

When It Rains It Showers

2010-05-10T18:00:00.002-04:00

May 10th, 2010

I had another shower this weekend! I know I sound like a broken record, but I truly am so fortunate, I know I am. This shower was attended by my mom and dad’s side of the family, the Vaughan’s and the Geuer’s, and it was fantastic.

I walked into my aunt Trudy’s and was immediately showered with screams and hugs and laughter. I was overwhelmed by all of the friends of the family, the aunts, great aunts, first, second, and third cousins! It’s a big family indeed and we’re all close. Being in that room I felt like we could start our own army of women… We would catch our enemy off guard by offering them wine and cheese on platters and our singing and dancing would eventually force them to surrender and join the party.

What I really noticed while surrounded by all the women in my family was how much I’m like all of them. We’re a pretty excitable bunch. The outfits I unwrapped weren’t just “cute” they were “SO CUTE, OH MY GOD, I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!” I felt like I was in a room full of mirrors and echoes. I am a piece of all of them and my little guy will be too.

So now the time has come to wash the new outfits, put together the remaining furniture, get the car seat ready to go and wait. I’m getting choked up writing this… thinking of how close John and I are to meeting the person inside of me. Tick tock…

Sista's

2010-05-08T12:06:00.007-04:00

May 8th, 2010

I have a lot of sista’s! They’re my closest girlfriends and I’ve known them for most of my life. They are like family to me. We’ve been through all the ups and downs of teenage angst together, we’ve been separated by schools and have maintained close relationships from a distance. We’ve experienced grief together. We’ve been in each other’s weddings, we’ve been in each other’s hospital rooms. My sista’s are so dear to me and last night I got to have a girl’s night with a couple of them at my place. John is away so Emily came over for dinner which was so nice. It’s rare these days that we get to hang out without an agenda. Emily has a beautiful daughter who is 14 months old and she runs her own business so she is a pretty busy lady. This is my girlfriend who is all about crafting and last night she came over with a special surprise! She brought all of the material to make butterfly shadow boxes.

Here we are getting our craft on…

And here are our works of art…

When Emily had to get home to her daughter and husband Kristen showed up to spend the night with me. We chatted all about the new house she and her boyfriend just bought (so exciting) and all about the fact that I’m going to be a mom VERY soon. At around 10:30pm my eyes starting feeling weary so I asked her (nervously) if she was getting tired. She said she WAS! It was like music to me ears. Most nights with my sista’s are spent enjoying bottles of wine and talking into the wee hours of the morning. The fact that Kristen was willing to go to bed with me at 10:30pm on a Friday night made me love her even more.

I woke up this morning feeling fresh and rested! Oh, and good news on the hemorrhoid front, it’s not nearly as painful today. I got the Tucks (thank you for the suggestion Mary) and some Preparation H and I am experiencing some relief. Just wanted to let you know in case you couldn’t get my hemorrhoid off your mind. Ha ha ha!

Save the Best for Last

2010-05-07T07:44:00.004-04:00

May 7th, 2010

Pregnancy really saves the best for last. It’s in the last 3 weeks that the swelling really kicks in (I had to buy a new pair of sandals last week that are a full size bigger than my regular size). It’s in the last three weeks that the ligaments “relax” causing that lower back pain that makes you waddle like a duck, and apparently due to the pressure of the baby your chances of getting hemorrhoids also increase in the last 3 weeks. Guess what? Looks like I’m one of the lucky ones…

It sprung on me by sneak attack! When I got up for my 2am pee I noticed some discomfort and I knew. It wasn’t there when I went to bed, how it just appeared like that I have no idea. I lay back down and it was seriously throbbing. I kept saying to myself, “Just go to sleep, maybe when you wake up it will be gone.” No such luck. I have a golf ball between my butt cheeks and it is NOT comfortable. In fact I would say it’s downright painful! Remember when I promised honesty?! Well here it is. It’s at times like this that I kind of wish I never told my colleagues about this blog. They might look at me a bit differently today. Ah well… I have no shame.

Sitting sucks, but I don’t know if I can get one of those donut things… I mean that’s a whole new low. Maybe I do have some shame… Thank goodness it’s Friday, I’ll be spending the weekend lying on my side.

Whistle While You Sew

2010-05-06T08:10:00.003-04:00

May 6th, 2010

My mom is amazing. She comes over every week now to help me out around the house. Mainly she cleans the bathrooms and vacuums. Can you believe that?! I am so thankful to her because honestly, just looking at the vacuum cleaner makes me hurt. It’s so clunky and heavy. One day I’ll get one of those fancy vacuum cleaners and I’ll love it so much I’ll vacuum just for fun… ya.

Anyhow, this week mom came over with her sewing machine. I told her that I bought fabric while I was in Toronto a couple of weeks ago with the intention of making throw pillows for the window seat in the baby’s room so she took the liberty of bringing her Singer sewing machine over to whip them up for me. That’s right, I just stood by and watched her in action. I did make her a nice dinner though so it wasn’t exactly slave labour.

This is what she started with…

And this is the finished product! Aren’t they cute and cheerful!

Sickie

2010-05-05T07:37:00.001-04:00

May 5th, 2010

I can’t believe it! I’m sick. I have made it through this entire pregnancy (over winter) without getting one cold and now, with 3 weeks left to go I get sick! Boo! It started with a sore throat on Monday. When I woke up yesterday my throat was throbbing and I had full on nasal congestion. I put a lemon and ginger root in a baggie and went off to work. I made it through the morning, but by lunch I had to call it quits. My last day of work is next Friday so I really don’t want to take any time off, and at the same time I know that I have to listen to my body and give into it when it needs rest, especially now. Honestly, I found it hard even walking down the hallway I was so achy. I’m sure that was partially due to the cold, but also because this baby belly is heavy my friends… and according to my reading at 37 weeks my joints and ligaments are “relaxing” which is causing my pubic bones and back to ache. So there you have it. I’ll keep up with my stretching and massages and yoga and get through the next few weeks as comfortably as I can. I took a bath last night (my first one in a while), but it actually made me feel a bit queasy. I didn’t think it was too hot, but I heated up quickly. I was probably in there for fewer than 10 minutes. It reminded me of when I first got pregnant. I was so nauseous I would sometimes take baths in the morning, but one morning I made it too hot and I nearly passed out (ya… scary!). The incredible thing about the human body, and more specifically the pregnant human body is it’s got an amazing way of warning you when either you or the baby is in jeopardy.

This morning I feel a bit better, thankfully. When I drove in I was greeted by a massive orange ball in the sky! The sun was so bright I had to put on my sun glasses… At 5:50am!!! There is no better start to the day than a bright sun in the face!

Please Forgive Me...

2010-05-03T10:27:00.000-04:00

May 3rd, 2010

I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted. I blame exhaustion. These days I come home from work, have a nap, make dinner and then get ready for bed again. My body is craving sleep so that’s what I’m giving it.

Other than being pooped things have been good. I’m coming off of a lovely weekend in Toronto. John’s family threw a beautiful baby shower for us. It was so nice to see all of the sweet, caring, and strong women in John’s family all in one room together. I can see from them why John is the man he is. Over the years the more I’ve gotten to know John’s family the better I’ve been able to understand my handsome man.

I do believe that everyone who comes into our lives makes an imprint on us. It makes me think of the family and friends that will mold our little guy. With all the love and support we’ve received throughout this pregnancy it’s safe to say he’s going to turn out very well.

Needless to say I’m once again feeling so much gratitude for the generous gifts given to us this weekend as well as the tight squeezes, the smiles, the words of encouragement… If only all the babies in the world were born into this much love.

Turn Frank Turn!

2010-04-24T18:08:00.004-04:00

April 24th, 2010

John has taken to calling our little guy Frank, for “frank breech”. That’s the position he’s in right now. We’re at week 35 and my doctor scheduled a version for me for week 37. However, after a lot of consideration I have decided not to do the version. For those of you that don’t know a version is when the doctor tries to turn the baby by externally pushing on your stomach.

From what I’ve read versions have a 50% success rate. If they work than you are able to have a vaginal birth. If they don’t then a c-section is booked.

John and I spoke about it, I also talked to my mom about it and some other mothers too. I’ve decided that if this little guy doesn’t turn on his own than a vaginal birth was not meant to be for me. Like I’ve said in previous posts, all I want is for this baby to come out healthy. The version has its risks and if I may end up with a c-section anyway, I’m not willing to add another risk on top of that.

I’m still holding out hope that he’s going to turn on his own. It certainly feels like he’s trying some days.

On a lighter note, my mom and aunt came over today to help me wash the baby clothes I’ve received so far and to get the crib ready to go. The baby room is slowly coming along. Actually, truth be told, if he was born tomorrow we have everything we need. The wanna be interior designer in me is the one saying the room isn’t done. I still have to hang pictures and put up shelves. I also have to make the cushion for my window seat and the throw pillows. Last week I picked up some fabric for the cushion and pillows. I had never been fabric shopping before; what fun! I felt just like Sarah Richardson! These are the two I chose. They are fun and happy and will go well against the pale yellow walls.

I know that pillows are the easiest thing to sew, but even still I don’t have a clue. Luckily my girlfriend Emily is going to help me out. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Like A Weed…

2010-04-21T08:02:00.000-04:00

April 21st, 2010

I’m convinced at this point that I grow nightly. Every morning when I wake up I swear I’m bigger. I’ve got less than 6 weeks to go. I’m starting to get more uncomfortable. It’s not a constant discomfort though and I’m thankful for that. Really it’s just the Braxton Hicks, the odd day of swelling, and the baby foot in the ribcage that makes me squirm here and there. I am getting more tired though. The energy drain is annoying and I struggle with the decision to just give into it or push through it. So far I’ve been pushing through it because the truth is I have a lot to do in the next 5 and half weeks. Mainly I’ve got to prepare for maternity leave.

It is so strange getting ready to leave my job. I have been working straight for the last 6 years, now I’m preparing to up and leave, not because I’m unhappy or because my employer is giving me the heave-ho (thank God), but because I’m having a baby. Luckily I work for a wonderful company that is extremely supportive and flexible, but it’s still weird. It’s weird knowing that I’ll be gone and everyone here will carry on without me.

Since I started my career in radio in 2001 I have only had one 8 month stretch where I was unemployed. It happened after the station I was working for (in Toronto) flipped formats. I was devastated at the time, but it turned out to be the best thing to ever happen to me. I took the package they gave me and travelled across Europe. Then I made my way back to my home town of Ottawa and landed myself a gig at The New HOT 89-9. I’ve been at HOT ever since, for 6 exciting years to be exact! Now, after 6 years I’m going to walk away from the station that up until this point I’ve considered to be my baby. Can I love two babies equally? I guess I’m about to find out. I guess I’m also about to find out how much my job has defined me over the last 6 years. Am I going to be lost without it? Once this baby comes into my life will work be the furthest thing from my mind? Only time will tell. One thing is for sure, whatever I’m feeling you’ll hear about it as I plan to continue this blog after the baby is born. It’s been such a great experience thus far, why not keep it going!

Big Bellied Beauty

2010-04-14T08:15:00.003-04:00

April 14th, 2010

Ya, that’s right, eat your heart out Tyra! I’m a big bellied beauty! Ha ha! Well I don’t always feel that way, but two weeks ago I got to spend a little extra time on me and making myself feel beautiful with good reason. John and I booked a maternity photo shoot with Christine Tripp of Tripp Photography!

I’ve never been one to shy away from the limelight so getting to play model for two hours on a Sunday afternoon was a blast for me! John got into it too, because he’s the best, most supportive partner a gal could have.

We started the shoot in Christine’s at home studio. I shed my top and bra, as did John. I mean he took his shirt off, he doesn’t wear a bra. The two of us cuddled our half naked bodies up against one another for some lovey dovey shots. At first it was really awkward, but Christine was good to give us direction and eventually we relaxed and got into it. After that we changed our outfits… Well I changed my outfit, John just put his shirt back on… and hit the field across from Christine’s house. I requested outdoor shots and I’m so happy I did! The sun was working with us and the field provided a super cool backdrop.

Now to be honest I’m not sure what I’m going to do with these photos. I’ll probably make a little photo album of my favourites and maybe pick one to frame. Question is, where do you put a picture of your partner and pregnant self? The only place I can think of is our ensuite bathroom. I mean we did the pictures for us, I don’t exactly plan on blowing up one of our partial nude shots to hang above the mantel. Just the same I am so happy we did it! After all, this may be the only time I’m pregnant… you just never know.

Here are a couple of fun ones!

Beer Run

2010-04-12T19:57:00.001-04:00

You know what I find embarrassing? Buying booze at 33 weeks pregnant. This weekend I did a beer run for John. He was working away at the basement and needed a cold one. I was happy to run an errand for him... I was not so happy that it meant I was going to have to go into the liquor store alone and purchase alcohol.

I’ve pretty much avoided the liquor store since I started showing. There have been times where John and I have been on our way to a dinner party and I want to get a bottle of red for the hostess, but when we park at the LCBO I ask him to run in and I wait in the car. Seriously. I feel totally out of place inside the LCBO now. If you know me well this is probably making you smirk. When I’m not pregnant I quite enjoy perusing the aisles, looking for that perfect bottle of wine. Pregnant me however wants nothing to do with the alcohol filled place. I admit that I’m afraid what people are thinking when I’m in there. It took every bit of security I had not to make a joke to the cashier while I was paying for John’s beer. Not to point out that I obviously wasn’t buying it for myself. Sometimes it amazes me that I care so much about what other people think. It’s not in all scenarios, in fact it seems to be mostly with strangers which makes no sense at all. Ah well, I did it and I made my basement renovating man happy!

Gratitude

2010-04-11T21:44:00.003-04:00

April 12th, 2010

Last night I sat on my couch in silence and reflected on what was one wild week! It was busy, and exhausting, and yet it also provided me with two lovely firsts.

I had two baby showers, my first ever baby showers! They were so much fun! I felt so special and loved!

The gifts John and I were given are definitely worth mentioning because everyone was so incredibly generous and thoughtful. That being said, what I really appreciated was the time these women took out of their lives to celebrate this pending arrival with me. Their excitement was so incredibly touching. It really moved me in a way I wasn’t expecting.

This baby will be raised by a village, there is no doubt. How lucky he will be to have so many vivacious, positive, strong women around him. How lucky I am to have their support.

Marshmallow Toes

2010-04-07T08:58:00.000-04:00

April 7th, 2010

Yesterday I wore my black boots to work. They’re knee high boots with a two and a half inch heel. I’ve worn them throughout my pregnancy without any issue… then came the swollen marshmallow toes. I don’t know if it was something I ate, but my toes, feet, ankles, calves; they blew up yesterday. It was so uncomfortable after lunch that I had to take my boots off (along with my socks) and walk around the office in my bare feet. I went to my aunt Wendy’s for dinner in Almonte and I had to drive there in… my bare feet. It was that uncomfortable. They got so big I wasn’t sure if they were ever going to return to their regular size. Luckily the swelling did go down overnight. Just in case though, I wore sandals today.

The Final Ultrasound Part Two: Bigger Than Average

2010-04-02T13:15:00.001-04:00

April 2nd, 2010

It looks like my genes are going to play a role in the size of this baby. My mom had big babies. I was 8 pounds 6 ounces and my brother was… Get ready to do a Kegel… 10 pounds 9 ounces.

At my ultrasound the technician informed John and I that we have a bigger than average baby. He is currently between 4 and 4 and a half pounds. Apparently that’s the average size of a baby that’s due on May 15th, not May 30th. Our Doctor however has not moved our due date so, in my head I am still planning for the 30th. I don’t want to start thinking our due date is the 15th because that could make for a long two weeks.

The technician also told us that the baby is in the Frank Breech Position. That means his body is sort of folded in half like a diver. His head is at the top of my uterus, his bum is at the bottom and his feet are up near his head. I go back in 2 weeks to see if he’s moved.

Needless to say it was a pretty eventful day yesterday! A bigger than average baby… Did I mention I don’t have anything against drugs during labour?

The Final Ultrasound

2010-04-01T09:25:00.001-04:00

April 1st, 2010

Today I am going for my final ultrasound. I am 32 weeks pregnant. It is absolute madness to me that in just two months I am going to be a mother. I almost feel the need to repeat that to myself so I start to believe it. “I’m going to be a mother. I’m going to be a mother, I’m going to be a mother”. Nope, that didn’t work. I still don’t really believe it. I’ve actually spoken to some mothers who have told me it didn’t sink in for them until a couple of weeks after giving birth. Almost like they were in a mysterious haze for the first two weeks. I’m trying not to speculate how I’ll be when our little guy joins the family. John and I know that whatever comes our way we’ll handle it. It’s really like everything else in life. None of us know what’s around the corner, but subconsciously we’re ready for it. That’s how we survive. I guess my tone sounds pretty serious. Don’t get me wrong, I am very excited, but the nerves may be a little more powerful when I really think about what’s quickly approaching. Maybe that’s why I don’t think about it that much. Throughout this entire pregnancy I’ve really just taken it one day at a time. For example, I haven’t even booked our prenatal classes yet. The way I look at it this baby is coming out one of two ways no matter what I do. Now some might think that’s the wrong attitude. In fact some people I know are surprised that I don’t have a midwife and a birth plan etc. I feel a bit bad for disappointing these people. So far I have no birth plan in place and I’m going with a boring ol’ doctor. Ha ha! Don’t worry, I’ll get my act together… maybe I’ll do that this weekend. I do actually think having a birth plan is a very good idea. It, at the very least, sets some goals for how the labour process will go. Mama ain’t raise no fool though… I know that when the day comes we may get some surprises that we didn’t plan for. At the end of it all the only thing I care about is that my baby boy is healthy. A healthy baby boy… I’ve got one coming… in two months… a baby! Crazy!

What's In a Name?

2010-03-27T10:11:00.002-04:00

Saturday, March 27th.

Radio guys are kooky. My lovely colleagues asked me yesterday morning if I would consider naming my baby boy after them. Their names are Mauler and Rush. They want me to call my baby Maulerrush. Uhhhh… I don’t think so guys! I love ya, but no… no way, no sir!

John and I still haven’t chosen a name. Right now we have a few that we like. We’ve got them all on post-it notes in our bathroom. So far I don’t love any of them. It’s such a tough decision! I mean honestly, I can be indecisive at the best of times and this is not a decision to be unsure about. I keep thinking about what it will be like when he introduces himself to his first little friend in school. Or how a potential employer will perceive him when he gives him a firm handshake and states his name, or how it will work with the ladies when he’s trying to pick up in a bar. Is that weird?! I’m actually thinking about scenarios where my sons name could help or hinder him in the hooking up department.

As I mentioned in an older post I’m hoping that we’ll have a better idea as to what name suits when he’s born. I’m sure looking into his face will make it an easier decision to make. That’s what I’m counting on. It makes me wonder though, how do other people choose a name?

Artsy Fartsy

2010-03-24T07:06:00.003-04:00

March 24th, 2010

Last night I attended another workshop at my girlfriend Emily’s store in Almonte. I was really excited about this one because we were working with canvas and fabric and text and I had a vision. Unfortunately my vision didn’t exactly transpire into a work of art. I mean, it’s okay, but it didn’t turn out like what I had in my head. The experience makes me appreciate true artists. It’s not enough to come up with a creative concept and it’s not enough to be a skilled painter or sketch artist, the talent comes in combining the two. My late Opa (grandfather) was an artist, and in fact the entire Geuer side of my family is very artistic. I have my moments, but it’s not something that comes naturally to me so I tend to get a bit discouraged. Just the same I’m going to hang my art in the baby’s room as I had intended. The quote I used is from Martin Luther King Jr. It reads;

“If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.”

Growth Spurt

2010-03-22T19:02:00.005-04:00

March 22nd, 2010

On Saturday night my belly felt uncomfortable. I wondered if maybe the baby was growing. I can say now on this Monday afternoon that my little guy had a growth spurt in the last 36 hours that I can hardly believe. I’m huge! I wish I measured my belly on Friday so I could have the quantitative proof. I would have done that except I didn’t get a warning. My little guy didn’t tell me. Neither did my doctor, neither did my What To Expect email. No one told me that this weekend I was going to literally grow overnight.

I’m in the home stretch… Just two months and a few days to go. I guess it’s time to get big.

My House Is A Mess!

2010-03-21T18:32:00.001-04:00

March 21st, 2010

For the last 6 months John has been working on finishing our basement. I admire him for tackling the job because he’s never done anything like it before and it’s looking terrific. Of course having him do all the labour is saving us a ton of dough, the drawback is that it takes longer. He’s got a full time job and we’ve got a pretty busy social life so he can really only put in a day here and a day there.

The issue we’re having right now is that we’re bringing a lot of stuff into the house, but we have nowhere to put it. Baby items are coming in fast and furious and it seems there isn’t a room that can store it all. We have to keep the basement clear for John to work. Same with the garage, and the baby’s room is in an in between stage. We’ve cleared most of the office stuff out of it, but now we’ve got to build shelves and paint before we can load it up. It’s driving me a bit bananas.

Also, with all the work John’s done in the basement this weekend there’s a lovely layer of dust on every surface in our living room, dining room and kitchen! I would share pictures with you of the mess I’m living in, but frankly it’s a bit embarrassing. At least I’ve got clean bathrooms. Ha ha!

Spasm!

2010-03-17T09:21:00.001-04:00

March 17th, 2010

Last night at exactly 1:58am I woke up in some serious pain! It felt like my calf muscle was coiling into a hard ball. I immediately yelped, shot my leg straight up in the air and grabbed John. The poor guy, what a terrible way to wake up. He was surprisingly with it and knew exactly what was happening (well, once he confirmed that I wasn’t having a heart attack). We’ve been waiting for the calf spasms.

I read a while ago that a lot of pregnant women begin to experience leg cramps in their second and third trimesters. Up until last night I had only experienced a little cramping, nothing like the full on spasm that hit me in the wee hours of the morning. I’m thinking the walk I went on yesterday after work probably set things in motion. It was such a beautiful day, I wanted to get out in the sun and fresh air so I went for a big long walk, but I didn’t stretch afterwards and I probably should have. Yoga is going to feel good tonight.

The one good thing about a tender calf is that it “forced” me to wear my new flat Michael Kors boots. I love my new boots! Any stylist would probably tell you my legs are too short for riding boots like this, but I don’t care! Aren’t they fun?!

Is My Baby Moving Enough?

2010-03-15T20:54:00.002-04:00

March 15th, 2010

I’ve read lately that at 29 weeks you should be able to feel your baby kick or move 10 times in an hour. I must admit it’s hard to find an uninterrupted hour in the day to keep track of the movement, but overall I feel like he doesn’t move that much and it has me a little concerned. Obviously it’s something I’ll be talking to my doctor about, but in the meantime I’m curious to know what other mom’s (who are at the same stage as me) are feeling. Some days he moves a ton, but I feel like most days my little guy is pretty chill. Or maybe I’m just having a hard time differentiated between kicks and movement. Movements are more subtle than kicks so maybe if I really concentrate I’ll feel more. I hate that I’m even worrying about this… Everything is okay, right?

Minivan's Are Cool!

2010-03-14T22:04:00.001-04:00

March 14th, 2010

Why do minivans have such a bad rap? I think they’re cool. Growing up we had a Dodge Caravan. It was white and box shaped. I remember when we first got it I was about 15. I thought it was fun! It came in especially handy when my mom, dad, brother and I took off for a trip across Canada. When I was 16 we loaded up the minivan with clothes and camping gear and travelled from our home in Corkery, Ontario, right to Tofino, British Columbia. We were gone for about a month, and to this day it’s one of my fondest family memories. I look back at it now as our last big family vacation. One of the most wonderful things about it was that we, as a family, experienced this beautiful country of ours for the first time together since my parents had never ventured out that way before we were born, and certainly not afterwards.

On that trip the van became our portable home. The downfall of spending so much time in a van for a month, along with camping gear is that it never really smelled the same after that trip. For the life of them my parents could not get rid of the wet socks smell. It became a bit of a joke.

Eventually the Caravan died and my parents got a Honda Civic. I was already out of the house and the car more or less became my brothers. Well last year, my parents, who are both close to retirement decided to get another Caravan and they love it. Last summer they went on trips with friends, and my mom went on girl’s weekends, and there was always more than enough space for everyone to travel together. Last month John, my brother, his girlfriend, my parents and I went up to Tremblant for a weekend, with all our ski/snowboard gear, and guess what?! We all travelled together in the van.

Just this weekend, John and I borrowed the van to go and pick-up some furniture in Toronto. I drove for a bit and I don’t know if it’s because I’m a shrimp (at 5’2”), but I just love the feeling of sitting so high. Needless to say I would totally consider getting my own minivan one of these days. They’re cool in my books!

Special People

2010-03-08T10:42:00.002-05:00

March 8th, 2010

Yesterday I received an unexpected phone call from my girlfriend Anne. The reason it was unexpected is because she is currently in Haiti working with CARE Canada to help the survivors of the earthquake.

Although our conversation was brief (because the connection kept breaking up) I was able to hear the joy in her voice. She told me that she knows the work she is doing there with CARE is saving lives. She told me that yesterday morning she attended a memorial for all the women that lost their lives in the earthquake. She said it was a beautiful gathering and that it was more hopeful and joyous than it was sad. She told me the Haitian people truly are some of the strongest human beings she’s had the pleasure of meeting. I can hear in her voice that their spirit is giving her energy for the work she is doing.

After getting off the phone with her I took a moment to be thankful for all the people in the world like her. Thank God for the special people who abandon their comfortable and privileged lives to help those in need. I am so proud of my friend. Her will is inspiring.

It makes me think about my son and the man he will grow up to be. Will he one day travel the world in the hopes of lending himself to help others in need? Maybe he will, or maybe his contribution to the greater good of our society will come in a different form all together. Maybe he’ll smile at a stranger who needs it. Or maybe he’ll be able to make financial contributions to charities that find cures, donate items to the less fortunate, or offer support to those walking a lone path. Regardless I know it is up to me to teach him the spirit of giving by example.

This entry is dedicated to my beautiful friend Anne.

Josie, Put The Gun Down!

2010-03-02T18:10:00.001-05:00

March 2nd, 2010

I did my baby registry on Sunday. The first thing the sales associate did when I told her what I was there for was arm me with a gun. Otherwise known as a scanner. I immediately felt lightheaded with the gun in my hand, knowing the damage I could do. Thankfully I had my wonderful friend Andrea by my side to keep me from losing my mind in the store. If it wasn’t for her I surely would have drowned in the sea of bottles, nipples, blankies, and breast pads. That, or I would have scanned everything in site and ended up with 20 soothers too many at my shower.

I don’t know how anyone walks into these types of situations for the first time alone. I am so fortunate to have supportive and experienced friends and family to help me through. I was so overwhelmed, but Andrea was very good to tell me what I would need and what I wouldn’t. It felt like we were at it for a long time, but I feel good that it’s done now. Well almost. I have yet to register for the stroller and the crib bedding. The stroller is a tough one because I want it to be good quality, and at the same time I don’t want it to cost a fortune (which some of them do)! As far as the bedding goes, I’m having a hard time deciding on a colour scheme. Decisions these days can be hard enough to make… try deciding on bedding after you’ve already made a hundred choices on face cloths, and diapers, and teething rings.

I hope I’m not sounding like a spoiled brat. I know how fortunate I am that these items are going to be generously purchased for this little baby by friends and family. I guess I’m just feeling… I already used the word overwhelmed… ummmmm… nervous. Walking through the store it hit me pretty hard that my world is going to revolve around this baby boy when he’s born and I’m just feeling a little bit like I have no idea what I’m in for. Half the things Andrea pointed out to me I didn’t even know existed. All part of the excitement, right?!

Back from the Babymoon!

2010-02-27T14:47:00.020-05:00

February 27th, 2010

What a trip that was! It was so nice to get away, to be in warmer weather, to have the sun kiss my skin, to be near water, and to have a total mental escape from my world here in Ottawa.

John and I did everything from clubbing in L.A. to picnicking in Santa Barbara, to relaxing in Cypress, to working our calves out on the hilly streets of San Francisco. Despite being ‘on the go’ for the majority of the trip I still found it to be incredibly relaxing. We went at our own pace and I slept like a baby so I always had energy for the day ahead of us. I could go through details about everything we did and saw, but I would probably bore you. Instead I’ll share some picture highlights with you and end on this note. If you have the chance, go on a babymoon! It was a very special trip, different from any trip John and I have been on together. I don’t know if I feel any more ready to have this baby, but I certainly feel more in love with my partner than ever.

Walking along Hollywood Blvd.

Approaching In-N-Out Buger; fast food chain to the stars!

Our first In-N-Out Burger experience.

Here we are taking a break (my feet needed a rest) and soaking up the sun in Santa Monica.

Even the seagulls in Malibu are pretty.

John & I on the pier in front of the Paradise Cove Beach Cafe.

No, those aren't ducks, they're surfers! Surfers can be found like this at every beach along the coast of California.

First bathroom break of many...

John capturing our run in with an elephant seal. I stayed back... I was afraid it was going to wake up and charge us.

Sunning ourselves on the beautiful beach in Carmel.

The view from the ferry that goes to and from Alcatraz.

The very impressive Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco.

2010-02-15T15:45:00.002-05:00

February 15th, 2010

My friends daughter Clementine turned 1 this past week and we celebrated the milestone yesterday. It was a great get together with lots of cuteness and even more sweetness (the birthday cake was unreal).

What struck me was just how many babies there are in my group of friends now. A lot of the time when we all get together it’s more of an adult thing… holy moly this birthday party was baby central. There was everything from a 2 and a half week old beautiful newborn to a nearly 2 year old bundle of energy. Soon John and I will be adding our contribution to this budding baby community as will our friends Kim and Peter. We really are at that age. I feel like it almost works the same way it does when women live together and next thing you know their periods sync. One of my girlfriends got knocked up and next thing you know its babies, babies everywhere! Okay, maybe it’s not exactly the same thing, it’s just what came to mind.

Yesterday also marked Valentine’s Day and the one year anniversary of my engagement to John. Because my wonderful fiancé is always so great to me on Valentine’s Day I told him this year was going to be all about him. Even with that instruction he still got me a gift certificate for a pedicure! He’s a good man.

I got him something he loves almost as much as me… steak. But not just any steak, I actually found a meat market in the city that sold Kobe steak. So last night a trail of letters I wrote lead John to the fridge where the beautifully marbled Kobe was waiting for him. I swear he nearly had the same reaction I did when he presented me with a stunning diamond engagement ring 12 months ago.

Turns out I chose the perfect Valentine’s Day gift for my man, which thrilled me because he so deserves it!

Well That Was a First!

2010-02-11T21:10:00.001-05:00

February 11th, 2010

Yesterday I wore my new pants to work. I absolutely love them! They’re as comfortable as Lulu’s, but they look like dress pants. Genius! Now since they’re form fitting I had to wear a thong… Let me tell you a little story about me and thongs. We don’t get along. For many years I faked relationships with thongs. Pretending to love them, pretending they made me feel sexy, but the truth is I hate them. I think they’re uncomfortable and I only wear them when I don’t want to be the girl with the underwear line. So yesterday I put on a pair of thongs for that reason, but since I literally have not worn a pair since I’ve become pregnant I failed to calculate how uncomfortable they’d be given the weight I’ve put on. Wow! If I thought they made me squirm before… Mid-morning I decided I couldn’t take it anymore. In a desperate act I closed my office door, grabbed my scissors and went at them. I cut right down the middle of them and felt instant relief. When I got home I threw those suckers in the garbage and boy did it feel good (to see them in the trash and to have them off my body). Booty shorts will forever be the new thong to me!

Feelin' Goooood!

2010-02-06T14:18:00.002-05:00

February 6th, 2010

There is nothing more invigorating than a successful shopping spree!

It never fails; whenever I book a trip I always have to shop for it, which inevitably doubles the price of my vacation. This babymoon is no exception. I just did some serious damage on the old credit card and I don’t even feel done. I’m one of those people that can actually be quite conservative while shopping. I can go with a friend and maybe pick up one or two things or nothing at all. There are those times though when it seems all the shopping fairies conspire to make sure that I fall in love with everything I see, and once I buy one thing, it’s over. It’s like trying to have one chip when a brand new bag was just opened in front of you… impossible. You have that one, next think you know half the bag is gone.

Luckily (like splurging on booking the trip itself) I can easily justify the spending. First of all I had a gift certificate to use. My amazing and thoughtful fiancé found a super cool maternity store that I had never heard of before and they have a lot of great quality clothes that I will even be able to wear after my pregnancy. I’m counting on that actually because good quality doesn’t come cheap. After the maternity store I went to go look at shoes. While in the car I was thinking to myself about all the money I’ve saved not drinking for nearly 6 months! Boom, that’s a nice pair of shoes and a few accessories right there! Plus, I’m going to L.A.! I’ve got to look good in L.A., ‘cause you know, all eyes will be on me. Ha ha! Riiiight.

K, I’m going to go try on all my new clothes again.

Look What I Made!

2010-02-03T21:23:00.004-05:00

February 3rd, 2010

Last night I did a craft workshop. My wonderful friend Emily (who owns Blackbird in Almonte) decided she would share her talent for crafting with the public and offer workshops in her store once a month. This was the first one.

I’ve never really fancied myself to be all that crafty. I mean I’ve made quite a few cards in my day, but that’s about the extent of it. I think I’ve used a glue gun once, and my sewing skills are limited to sewing buttons on jackets. That being said, for whatever reason I think now is a good time to get my craft on. Maybe it’s because I’m not getting my drink on… huh. So that’s what being pregnant means to me; I’m trading in my bottle of red for the experience of making my own wreath. Interesting…

I was actually excited all day about the workshop and when the time finally arrived I entered Emily’s store eager to meet the other crafters and anxious to see what I would walk away with. In total there were ten women, plus Emily and her right hand woman, Colleen who lead us step by step through our creation.

Let me tell you, the night was not a let down. First of all, everyone was wonderful, easy to talk to, and fun. I was a little worried because you never know what you’re going to get when a whole bunch of women who don’t know each other get together, but everyone was really sweet. It made me realize once again how many people there are in this world and how my own personal world can be enriched by meeting these people. There was a time when I actually said, “I don’t need anymore friends, I have enough”. That was probably one of the most naive things to ever come out of my mouth. I know now that the way I grow and evolve is through meeting people and learning from them. Sometimes one person you let in can change the course of your life for the better. Imagine if you didn’t have the time for them.

I digress.

Two hours into the workshop, with a scissor blister, a small glue gun injury, and burlap all over my shirt I had my wreath. If I do say so myself I think it turned out great!

When John saw it he said it looked like a hippie wreath! I love it! Love the different perspective. I guess with the burlap and the clashes of patterns and colours it is pretty bohemian. Smart guy.

I don’t have a place for my hippie wreath yet. I’m thinking it would be a nice splash of colour in the baby’s room once we get that together. If I keep this crafting up there may not be room for the baby in the baby’s room by the time May 30th rolls around. Okay, maybe that’s an ambitious thought. Ha ha!

Why?

2010-02-03T08:33:00.005-05:00

February 3rd, 2010

Why? Why would super, supermodel Gisele Bündchen go and say that giving birth wasn’t painful?! Why would she do that to all of us non-supermodel women? In a recent interview Gisele spoke about her experience giving birth saying, "It wasn't painful, not even a little bit. The whole time, my head was so focused . . . every contraction, the baby is closer, the baby is closer. So, it wasn't like, 'Oh, what pain.' It was, 'With every contraction, he is getting closer to me.'" If you’re thinking that she was obviously doped up on drugs to feel so good think again! She did it drug-free. She said, "I wanted to be conscious and present for what was happening. I didn't want to be anesthetized. I wanted to feel."

Now I have every intention of focusing as hard as I can on delivering this baby boy of mine safely and with as little self-inflicted pain as possible, but seriously. NO PAIN? Come on Gisele! Isn’t that… impossible?!

And just when you think it couldn’t get any worse she said she was back on her feet almost immediately, quote, "The second day, I was walking, I was washing dishes, I was making pancakes in the kitchen."

John, I love you, but I do not intend on doing dishes or cooking pancakes for us the day after giving birth. Gisele Bündchen… Supermodel or Superwoman?

Countdown to the Babymoon is ON!

2010-02-02T15:26:00.002-05:00

February 2nd, 2010

I just booked the flights for our babymoon! We’re going to be travelling to Los Angeles, California (I hope it’s sunny)! We’ll stay in L.A. for a few days and then rent a car and drive along the coast to San Francisco. This is a trip that I’ve wanted to do for a long time and I am so excited that John and I will be taking in the California coast for the first time together!

If I do say so myself I am due for a vacation. My last sunny holiday with my hunny was in March of 2008 when we went to Miami together. Wow, two years goes by quickly!

I love the idea of a babymoon; doesn’t it make sense to go on one last vacation with your partner before your lives are turned upside down forever?! I have a feeling that starting next summer our family vacations will be shorter and closer to home, which is totally cool, but all the more reason to splurge on an awesome trip now! Ha ha! I’m such a woman, already justifying all the money I’m about to spend on myself!